I was called a failure because of my teenage daughter’s pregnancy
Teenage pregnancy is on the rise. Mothers are having a hard time getting their daughters to stay away from pre marital sex.
When 15-year-old Faith was impregnated by their neighbour’s apprentice, the shame was too much for her mother, Tina Ogbonna to bear.
Mrs. Ogbonna became antagonistic towards her daughter. She even questioned God whom she felt had abandoned her, seeing that she lost her husband two years earlier.
Her teenage daughter was in senior secondary school 3.
But never for once did abortion cross Mrs. Ogbonna’s mind. She believed that if her daughter was old enough to have sex and get pregnant, then she should be bold enough to go through it, deliver her baby and take care of him like an adult. But it was a painful period for them as they became the laughing stock of the neighbourhood.
It is not everyday that you would discover that your teenage daughter is pregnant. The teenage daughter you thought was only interested in building relationships with her friends and getting good results in school had on several occasions, shuddered at the mention of the word, boys.
The devastating feeling such mothers feel can only be imagined. The emotions that flood in afterwards may not be interesting for both parties. As a mother who has big dreams for her daughter, you can go from calm to angry and shocked in a fraction of a second.
When that happens, rational thinking is not easy and many mothers find themselves reacting rather than responding. This is because the hopes and dreams they have for their daughters may have fizzled out all of a sudden.
Teenage pregnancy often spells crisis for the young girl and her family. It can be one of the most difficult experiences a teenage girl ever faces. Some of the common reactions may include anger, guilt and denial. The mum-to-be might also experience anxiety, fear and sadness.
When 15-year-old Faith was made pregnant by a neighbour’s apprentice, the shame was too much for her mother, Tina Ogbonna to bear. Mrs. Ogbonna became antagonistic towards her daughter. She even questioned God whom she felt had abandoned her, seeing that she lost her husband two years earlier.
‘’I felt betrayed. She was in senior secondary school 3. I was angry that she had to pull out of school to have her baby and nurse him. I made a conscious decision to love her and her unborn child. Never for once did abortion cross my mind. I believed that if she was old enough to have sex and get pregnant, then she should be bold enough to go through it, deliver her baby and take care of him like an adult.’’
It was a painful period for them. They became the laughing stock of the neighbourhood. People judged Mrs. Ogbonna by what her daughter did. Some mothers around said she was a failure who didn’t bring up her daughter well and that was why she got pregnant at 15. Others warned their daughters to stay away from her daughter whom they called a bad influence to their families. It was heart wrenching. Amidst all the harsh words, Tina made up her mind to support her daughter and keep her grandchild even though her daughter hugely disappointed her.
‘’Even as I drew my daughter closer to me, I experienced many painful and confusing emotions. I felt for my daughter too, I was afraid for her future. I made sure Faith got the medical attention she needed. I helped her prepare for her baby’s arrival, emotionally and psychologically. I explained to her what to expect during pregnancy, labour and afterwards. I held her hand every step of the way.’’ She delivered her son after a nine-hour painful labour. I was crying too. I felt like taking away all the pain she was feeling then, but it wasn’t possible.
The following year, she completed her secondary education. Two years after, she gained admission into the university to study Economics.
My grandson, Ebuka is two years old now and I love him so much. Even though it was a hard and painful road for us, it brought us closer. We became best friends. I’m also proud to be a realist unlike other women who will pretend they have virgin daughters while they had committed abortion in secret just to keep their family name intact.