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My pastor embarrassed me because I’m still single

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My pastor recently embarrassed me for still being single. I have been emotionally down after that. I will be 36 soon and still single. I have had people asking so many questions about when I would get married but I have always pushed that aside until last Sunday.

After service, I was leaving the church compound when my Pastor and three brothers saw me. He asked me who owned the baby I was carrying in church and I told him. He said that I shouldn’t always be seen carrying children in public or in church, more especially a day like that when we had many visitors in church, thereby giving young men the impression that I was married. I felt so embarrassed and really wished I had somewhere to hide when the brothers started laughing. Those words have been re- echoing in my ears. It left me sad.

It’s the same story for many singles who are being hounded daily to get married.  Phrases such as : ‘All your mates are married, what are you waiting for?’ ‘Don’t you want me to carry my grandchildren?’ ‘Are you choosy or the men are not coming your way?’ ‘Don’t you see good girls to court and marry?’ are what many single ladies are bombarded with on daily basis in Nigeria.

Many mothers and fathers are prying into their children’s love lives and trying so hard to lure them into marriage. Many ladies are tired of their friends trying to hook them up with every single man they know even when these meet don’t meet the standards they have set regarding relationships.

Many of these ladies are beginning to feel judged by family and friends that they are willing to hop onto the next person they come in contact with just to avoid the many marriage talks. In the same vein, many young men are trying to run away from the many pressures from family members to settle down.

Below are some experiences of some single men and women who are being harassed by loved ones to settle down:

Chinelo: If you are not coming with a man, don’t visit me

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For a while now, my father has been angry with me for still being single at 35. He says it as if it’s my fault that I am not yet married. I won’t marry myself and I won’t jump into a wrong union because of his pressures. These days, whenever I inform my dad that I would love to visit him, he tells me, “If you are not coming with a man, don’t enter my house”. He’s been saying that for long that I got tired of indulging him while suffering and smiling at his harassment. Two months ago, he said it again, I turned back and haven’t returned to see him since then. I stopped picking his calls too. He’s now sending people to beg me saying he was playing with me. I won’t be harassed into a wrong marriage.

Adekemi: My aunt forbade her daughter from introducing her fiance to me

Men are begged and cajoled to get married, while women are harassed and intimidated until they fall into the wrong hands just to escape unnecessary pressures. Recently, my niece was getting engaged and her mother forbade her from introducing her husband-to-be to me because I might infect her with my bad luck. I am 36. I just shrugged it off, but it was painful. I felt like a failure that day.

Chinedu: Whenever I visit my mom, she asks when am getting married

It is not only women who get harassed to get married. Whenever I visit my mum, she just asks after my well being for five minutes and the next thing is ‘’when are you bringing our wife? When are you giving me grand children? I am just tired of the whole scenario. I am still struggling to fine my feet financially, I don’t want to add undue stress on myself by getting married. Life is no longer as easy it was during their days. Our parents just fail to understand this. They pressure their children to go into unpleasant unions just to maintain their status. It’s so selfish on their part.

Ifeoma: You are not getting any younger

This was some of the things I kept hearing at 31 before I got married this year. You are not getting any younger, when are we coming to eat rice? I hope you are not rejecting men, time is passing. Even if it’s a widower you see, grab him and marry, even if he is an SSCE holder or even shoe maker please manage. Any husband is better than none. Make hay while the sun shines because your sun has almost stopped shinning. Do you want to end up like sister so and so with no husband and children? In fact, there is this Baba I know, he can see things. He will bath you and deliver you from the spirits hindering your marriage. I will take you so he can solve your singleton disease. I am glad I was patient and married a man who loves and understands me.

 

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