10 ways to keep love alive in your relationship

Sometimes, couples wonder if there are ways to keep love alive in their relationships if things are not going well. The truth is that many relationships face challenges that make partners ask whether they made the right choice or whether they made a mistake.

There are no straight formulas for relationships as individuals differ, but couples can make little efforts to make their love last for decades if they so desire. It’s all in your hands. The ball is in your courts partners.

These 10 steps will assist you in keeping the flame of love alive in your relationships:

Couple on a date

Couple on a date

1. Weather the storms together

Every human relationships have difficulties. Honeymoons end, and the cute stuff starts to look and sound pretty disgusting. Accepting the idea that marriage is not a Disney happily-ever-after movie, will help open the door to a life that can be richly rewarding. A marriage is real life after all and not Disney true-love, soul-mate fantasy.

You have to be devoted to your marriage as well as to the person you are married to. That way, in those trying times, there will be some holding power. A storm in not failure. It’s just a storm. Sometimes all you need to do is let it pass.

2. Keep the flame burning

The best way to keep the flame of love from dying is to keep it alive. Don’t let things simmer on low for too long. Don’t get lazy and start throwing your underwear in the corner of the room or leave hair in the sink. Don’t let yourself take each other for granted.

3. Keep the romance alive

Date night. Just do it. Movie nights, beach days, dance and fun times, don’t ever take these for granted. Hug and hold hands, open doors, leave notes for each other and give back rubs and shoulder massages, kiss each other just because you feel like it. Treat each other as though you were deeply in love, and you will likely remain deeply in love.

4. Little kind gestures matter

Have you allowed “please” and “thank you” to drop from your conversations with each other? Have you stopped holding the door for her? Have you stopped running to give him a hug when he comes home? When was the last time you told your spouse you loved and appreciated him/her? When was the last time you played a board game or had a tickle fight or took a walk around the block hand in hand? Don’t let the little things slide or you will likely have a bigger mess to clean up later.

5. Your partner’s feelings matter

Listen to his or her feelings. They won’t make sense to you. Listen anyway. They will seem irrational and maddening. Listen anyway. Feelings make sense to the person feeling it. Validating those feelings is a sign of respect. And respect is a necessary component to sustained love.

6. Don’t forget service

Clean up the house, make breakfast in bed, buy each other gifts, bring home his/her favorite CD or book. You don’t have to wait for Valentines Day to show your partner love. By serving with a willing heart, out of a desire to do something kind for the other, you develop greater love and compassion for that person. And you inspire in that person an appreciation for your service, the sense that they are, in fact, loved.

7. Prioritize your spouse

If you put your spouse at the end of every list, your marriage will be at the end of the list too. You can’t see your spouse as an extension of yourself. You are different people with different needs and personalities. Treat each other as such.

8. Quality time works wonders

Quality comes only at the end of quantity. Both are needed. If there’s not adequate quantity, there will not likely be much quality time available to spend. Make out time for your spouse, it matters.

9. Work on your love

Character matters in relationships. So work on your patience, compassion, forgiveness, selflessness, humility and love. The more of such traits that you have, the greater your capacity to love. Selfishness and pride are the twin destroyers of love. Work daily at overcoming these poisons.

10. Learn your spouse’s love language

We all have one of three primary love languages. Some people express their love by doing things for others. That’s how they receive it as well. These people are task oriented.

Others enjoy verbal expressions of love. Telling them how much you love them is key. They need to hear it.

To those who are touch oriented, they express and “hear” love through touch, in the form of a hug, holding hands, and kisses.

You will lose your relationship if you force your partner into your particular preferred mode of communicating love. But learning their love language will better prepare you to be able to send messages of love loud and clear.

And don’t sink the ship of your marriage. There are certain deal-breakers that can immediately end a relationship. Avoid them like the plague. Stay away from even the appearance of these deal-breakers. If the temptation arises, run away fast, and tell your partner. You stand a chance of fighting it off together. The destruction of your marriage is not worth the emotional release of the moment.

Cheating, any form of abuse of anyone in the family, criminality, drug abuse, are acts of disrespect and disregard for your partner. They attract huge consequences.


I am a writer, a journalist and phenomenal woman. I don't conform to societal stereotypes. I am passionate about women and the issues that plague womanhood in this part of the world. Engage and be awakened.

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