5 things fathers shouldn’t tell their children
There are things fathers shouldn’t say to their children if they wish to raise good, stable and healthy kids from childhood to adulthood.
From generation to generation, parents go through the challenges peculiar in their own time in raising their children. While the next generation tries to improve on the parenting skills of the previous generation, it is evident that it’s not easy bringing up well-mannered and conscientious children.
Parents these days won’t like to repeat the mistakes of the past while raising their children. Even though discipline is needed to raise children, they believe when parents focus on only discipline without love, care and affection, children become hard, mean and unyielding.
Mr. Francis Okunnu grew up in a home where discipline was the watchword. He also intends to bring up his children that way but with few modifications. He loves his four children equally, but won’t spare them when it comes to bringing them up properly. And one of the ways he plans on improving on his parents’ parenting methods is by watching what he says to his children.
”I don’t tell my kids practice makes perfect. It is true that the more time my children devote, the sharper their skills will become. However, this adage can ramp up the pressure they feel to win or excel. It sends the message that if you make mistakes, you didn’t train hard enough. I have seen children beat themselves up, wondering, ‘What’s wrong with me? I practice and I’m still not the best. This is because of the pressure their parents put on them to succeed at all costs. Instead, I encourage my children to work hard because they will improve and feel proud of their progress.’’
Secondly, I don’t tell my children they are okay when they are clearly hurting. Pain and anger are natural impulses and children should be allowed to feel them and not bottle them up. When any of my children injure themselves and bursts into tears, my instinct may be to reassure him that he’s not badly hurt. But telling him he’s fine may only make him feel worse. My job is to help them understand and deal with their emotions, and not discount them.
I also don’t tell my children, we can’t afford that when they beg for the latest toy. Doing so sends the message that I am not in control of my finances, which can be scary for my children. I choose an alternative way to convey the same idea, such as, “We are not going to buy that because we are saving our money for more important things.” But if they insist on discussing it further, I have a perfect window to start a conversation about how to budget and manage money.
I don’t tell my children not to talk to strangers as they may hinder their getting help from strangers when it truly matters. They can talk to strangers but they are not allowed to receive gifts from people they don’t know. They know they shouldn’t be cajoled to do what they know is wrong because of gifts.
I don’t tell my children that life is perfect. They know that life is fleeting and no matter how hard they may try to get something, in the end, it may not go as planned and it is okay.They know that God is the ultimate decider of how things turn out.
I never tell my children they are good for nothing. It may affect them in the future. As a father, my words can alter my children’s lives if I use them negatively.