What the law says about consent and rape by Esiri Ukueku-Uduaghan

The difference between consensual sex rape is consent.

Sexual intercourse of any kind in the absence of consent is rape.

It is alarming to see that so many people, (old and young) do not possess the basic understanding of the consent rule. Why? No one taught them these things.

Fathers and Mothers, what are you teaching your sons and daughters? And we are surprised rape is on the rise? No surprises.

Whenever we speak of rape, I observe that a lot of people walk on by as though we are speaking over their heads. As far as they are concerned, a rapist is that ugly stalker, lying in wait in a dark alley to prey on their victims.

But No! The purpose of my series of posts last night was to show you that this really isn’t the case.

A lot of women have been and are being raped by their spouses and boyfriends and from the looks of things on that thread the average man has raped a woman before without even knowing it was rape.

Now you know better. When next you willfully and flagrantly breach the laws of consent, simply because you must arrive at your point of orgasm despite the express wishes of your sex partner, you will be very aware that you just raped him/her.

For those who rushed in to insult me, because lacking emotional intelligence and crippled with guilt, they couldn’t face the fact that what they have been calling consensual sex in their bedrooms is rape.

Sex is an adult activity.

Sex is responsibility.

There are rules of sexual engagement.

You cannot breach them.just because of cum.

If you cannot adhere to them then you have no business engaging in sex.

Why? you are not mature enough to play by the rules.

If you breach the rules, you could go to jail.

 

Consent matters

It’s best you unlearn and learn.

Better still masturbate yourself to orgasm if you can’t play well with others.

Its pretty simple.

Consent can be withdrawn at anytime during sex. She withdraws consent, you withdraw your penis/hands/mouth from anywhere it is.

Sex isn’t all about thrusting and cumming. You must grasp the concept of consent or else you go from consensual sex straight to rape.

For those of you who use the moving train analogy. “Sex is like a moving train, once you have penetrated you can’t stop it.” Hear this, you are deceiving yourselves.

Your penis is not a moving train and even if it were, the moment you hear the words ‘Baby, I have HIV/Herpes’, your moving train would grind to a halt. This should be the exact same reaction when you hear the words Stop/ No.

You are human, a man/woman, not an animal, endeavour to behave like one. Enough with the excuses enabling bad behaviour.

Those of you who say this law “Consent can be withdrawn at any time during coitus” is about wickedness and witchcraft.

People are getting prosecuted and jailed for it. So when you say nobody will be prosecuted. You are incorrect.

There is nothing useless about a law, simply because you have refused to wrap your head around it.

If you penetrate a woman and she begins to feel pain, shouldn’t she have the right to stop you?

If she begins to bruise or bleed, shouldn’t she be able to stop you?

If she begins to feel faint, shouldn’t she stop you?

If she begins to feel guilt or fear, shouldn’t she stop you?

For whatsoever reason, if she no longer wants to have sex with you and she says stop, should you be allowed to force her against her will?

Must you force your way to the end all in the name of cum/climax?

Is your orgasm more important than the wishes of the person you are having sex with?

Is the basis of consensual sex not grounded on consent?

If a woman verbally and actively withdraws her consent at any point, should you be able to actively disregard that and yet validly claim that you had consensual sex?

Are men animals that lack the ability to control their sexual desires?

Is this too much to ask for a civil society and coexistence?

Stop approaching issues from a myopic point of view. This is the point of the law.

Make the effort to be conversant with your laws. You can buy a book on criminal law in Nigeria or download the Criminal Code Act and read it. Its not for lawyers alone. Knowledge is power.

An average American citizen can quote his constitutional rights. The average Nigerian, not so much. Its not good enough.

In this day and age, We must learn and unlearn to do better.

I leave you with these two fresh consent scenarios.

ONE

If you are 18 and above and you have sex with a person below the age of 18, it is known as Statutory Rape.

I mean if you are 18 yrs old and maybe you had sex with a 16 yr old, (It doesn’t matter you both wanted it) It’s called statutory Rape according to the law.

Why? Because any person below the age of 18 is recognised as a minor, and a minor lacks the capacity to give consent.

The exception to this is the provisions of Sharia Law in the North which supports child marriage, Though the Child Rights Act contradicts this provision.

Take a look at this 2nd scenario:

A man slips into the bed of a lady while she is asleep and begins to touch her. She responds in moans..thinking you are her husband/ boyfriend, she moans his name and you respond continuing with the act.

Lights are off, she can’t see you. You flip her on to her backside, and with her moans cheering you on, you finish the task. She hits climax and orgasms 💯 times.

Opens her eyes, switches on the light and finds out that you are not her husband/boyfriend.

Brother, it is called what? Rape!

Why? Because she never gave you consent, she gave consent to her husband/boyfriend who she thought you were.

You obtained consent based on deceit and such deceitful consent is no consent at all.

 

Kate

I am a writer, a journalist and phenomenal woman. I don't conform to societal stereotypes. I am passionate about women and the issues that plague womanhood in this part of the world. Engage and be awakened.

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