10 rules for dating your friend’s ex

It is not unusual to fall in love with your friend’s ex boyfriend but dating that person can be tricky. Your friend might see it as a betrayal while you may also be caught up in a love triangle if your friend and her ex still have feelings for each other.

When it comes to dating, many people state that they would never date a friend’s former boyfriend. They wholeheartedly believe that it’s wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they would never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they are just following the rules.

Unfortunately, life is very unpredictable and your friend can end up falling in love with your former boyfriend. If you think about it well, you are dating somebody’s ex, somebody is dating your ex and you will also marry somebody’s ex. You don’t expect your dates to come into your life completely free of prior relationships.

Dating a friend’s ex husband also might not go down well with your friend and other people around. But you just can’t control what your heart wants. Emotions can be tricky and ladies should learn how to handle their emotions well.

If you are asking, ‘Should I date my friend’s ex?’ The answer is yes but if you think you are breaking any rule, it is best not to venture into that relationship in the first place. But if you are convinced that this is what you want, you should follow these guidelines for a smooth relationship with your friend’s ex. This is what to do if you like your best friend’s ex boyfriend.

10 rules for dating your friend’s ex boyfriend

*You should keep your friend’s secrets. No matter how much you love discussing your boyfriend with your friend, his ex shouldn’t be hearing the details of his current sex life.

*You don’t have to trash talk your friend or their former boyfriend. Resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other. This can be extremely tempting if they ended their relationship on bad terms.

*Don’t pry into the relationship of your friend and their former lover. Don’t ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes. You shouldn’t also grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.

*Don’t take sides in their breakup. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it is crucial that you don’t portray either one as the bad guy, even months or years after they have parted ways. Find a neutral party if you need to vent about one of them.

*You need to respect boundaries without making assumptions. If your friend doesn’t want to attend a party where her ex will be in attendance, don’t pressure her. Allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don’t push them to associate if they are not into it. Don’t push them back into each other’s arms and start crying wolf later if they rekindle their love.

*Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other. Set aside time for each of them and honor each relationship separately. Don’t drag your lover along on girls’ night out if your friend will be present and don’t invite your friend to what is supposed to be a romantic dinner with your lover.

*If you hooked up with your friend’s ex, comparison is a bad idea. Don’t ask your man if you are prettier, smarter and a better cook than your friend. Comparing yourself to anybody is not healthy. It can affect your self esteem.

*You don’t have to be paranoid. Don’t try to prevent your boyfriend and your friend from associating because you are afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don’t constantly seek reassurance that that’s not the case.

*Don’t use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. If your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he’s untrustworthy, get out of the relationship, but if there’s really nothing wrong, don’t create problems where none exist.

*You must know that some exes really are off-limits. If someone seriously mistreated your friend in terms of physical, emotional and psychological abuse, don’t date him no matter how awesome he looks and sounds. If he lied, manipulated and stole from her, you don’t need such a man in your life.

Choosing to date a man who treated your friend badly, you are telling your friend you don’t think what he did to her was bad. You are indirectly excusing the pains he caused your friend. Just walk away from such a man.

Ladies, don’t be desperate. Stay true to your girlfriends. Don’t go anywhere near your friend’s ex if both your friend and the ex still love each other. He might use you as a rebound and you will be the loser at the end of the day. You may also end up losing your friend forever. Be wise!

 

 

Kate

I am a writer, a journalist and phenomenal woman. I don't conform to societal stereotypes. I am passionate about women and the issues that plague womanhood in this part of the world. Engage and be awakened.

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