Rebellion is my survival kit -Joy Isi Bewaji

She doesn’t care if you allow your man walk all over you. She doesn’t care if your husband left you.

According to her: “I have too many “agony aunt” inbox messages that I refuse to attend to.

If you really need me to tell you what to do with your personal choices, especially with men (it’s always about men), then you shouldn’t be talking to me or seeking any advice from me.

I don’t care if a man hurt you.

I don’t care if your husband is cheating or he left you.

I don’t care if your fiancé is misbehaving.

I don’t care.

You don’t seem to understand how much I don’t care if you have a man in your life or not.

I don’t care if you find love or not.

However, I DO care if you are living YOUR truth, your purpose.

And that doesn’t include tying your dignity around the balls of any man.

Husband or lover. Boyfriend or sex hookup.

Like I tell my children…

The most important type of learning is the education you receive watching me live my life.

So this goes to every woman invading my inbox with “Joy, what should I do?”

What they say: They say if a woman leaves a marriage, it’s a shame she cannot live with.

What I know for sure: I am un-ashamed, beautiful, confident, smart, comfortable, one helluva goddess!

Leaving a marriage took nothing away from me. I am better off without it.

I don’t care if your boyfriend is misbehaving

What they say: A single mother cannot take care of children on her own.

What I know for sure: Have you seen my kids? They are your children’s WCW. Don’t even go there! I am the mother your children wish they had.

What they say: At 40+, a woman’s chances of finding love is slim. Men want younger women. They only want to pamper young ladies.

What I know for sure: The kind of men who love me, at 41, are the men you dream about, they are in your wish list, the reason you go for vigils. Yup. They are consistently out of your league, and you are a “young woman” oh.

Age has nothing to do with love.

What they say: If you are a rebellious woman, people will stay away from you.

What I know for sure: People come from Jos, Abia, Enugu, Abuja just to sit and listen to me speak. They come with gifts.
They pay for writing classes and board planes from all parts of Nigeria just to see me… to see if I am even a real person.

That is the extent of love I get.

So, you were saying?

And the most popular bullcrap…

Sex is the currency men receive from women before they give anything back.

What I know for sure: I am celibate. I still get everything I want from men who not only love me but respect me.

I do not have transactions with my body. I will not have sex if I do not want to have sex.

And I will have sex if I want to have sex.

I am not perfect. Far from it!

But I know my power.

You should know yours too.


What they say: Heartbreak will destroy you.

What I know for sure: I was silly enough to believe I met a “soulmate” at the beginning of this year. A soulmate, because even in silence, I knew what we felt was IT. I fell oh! Walahi, I fell like a moron. The breakup hit me haaaaaard.

BUT… I didn’t let it steal my glow. I didn’t allow it to destroy me. My heart was destroyed…. but my mind is a beast, and it slapped that heart back into shape.

“Get up and glow!” It said to my heart.

And glow I did…

With my art. With my life. With my choices.

Everything society said was impossible, I have lived them all with flying colours.

I rebelled, so I could live.

Rebellion is my survival kit. No joke.

I am not one of you. I will never be one of you.

So you see, I don’t know what you people are yapping about.

I don’t do pity-parties.

If you tell me your man is cheating on you, my response will be… “Ok.”

If you tell me a man broke your heart, my response will still be… “Ok.

Get up and make gold of your ruins.

That’s how you win.

Anything else is pitiful, low, boring and the complaints of a loser.

– Because men don’t go around seeking advice from random men about women.

They don’t.

Written by Joy Isi Bewaji


Woman. Journalist. Writer. Blogger. Non Conformist. Rebel. Daring. Creative. Amazing. Unstoppable.

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