Hard truths Nigerian widows need to hear to live good lives

Nne, let me tell you, don’t sit there doing this widow thing by throwing pity party and carrying on as if your life has ended. This society enjoys your misery so you better get up and stop that nonsense pity party.

If you think anybody really cares about your choices in life as a widow, you are wasting your time. You want to please who? Biko change that yeye mournful look and move on.

Gozie doesn’t understand. How will I? Now tell me what is there to understand, that you have sentenced yourself to a life of misery just to show you loved your dead husman? Ok, we thank you for loving him, now move on!

You don’t want to offend ya in-laws by deciding to live and be happy so they won’t think you are not mourning their brother? Oya, look well, listen to me, if na you die, dem go dey yarn that? Let me tell you what they will be yarning.

You first of all need a mindset reset. You see all the rubbish you heard while growing up that that’s how to do widowhood? Na lie. All na lie. You better not turn yasef to a ghost, think, woman, think!

Hard truths every Nigerian widow needs to hear

Moving on is a complex phrase and doesn’t mean remarrying. Be careful so you don’t enter fire from frying pan if you chose to move on by remarrying. Let me even tell you sef, if you don’t find fulfillment and happiness in you, you no go find am in that bro you remarry.

Learn to mind ya business. Yes, mind ya business and stop that yeye gossip about that other widow who chose to be happy and expressive. Don’t go round gossiping about her and cursing her out. Find ya own happiness.

Nwanyi widow, come out of that yeye shell and live life to the fullest. Break it down to suit you.

Trash the mentality that because you are widowed you must be pitied and treated specially. No, don’t accept anybody to treat you like trash but at same time, don’t go round expecting special treatment because ya husman died. Give yasef special treatment by being better.

The way you look now, if that ya husband return to life, will he be attracted to rush to you and continue or have you degenerated to the level that he will go for better looking gals? Oya, assume he’s returning and tune up ya sef and be better. Widowhood shouldn’t make you look old and drabby and tattered and gloomy.

Nwanyi widow, learn to wear confidence as uwe. Then know who you are and not how widowhood defines you. When you know who you are, other people’s definition of you won’t make you sad.

Come on my Nwanyi widow, refuse to be defined by widowhood and instead redefine widowhood. Who told widowhood that you must be sad and low and miserable and beggarly? Who told widowhood that you’re doomed? Oya, get up and redefine it, list your new definition and send to me. We must tear down that evil cloak.

Nwanyi widow, na me and you today o because we must get it right. Why do you go to a tailor and chose a dress style that signifies misery and rejection? Will you die if you have bling bling and style that will make you stand out? And that your style of walking since ya husman died, Wetin that one come mean, abeg raise ya shoulder and walk like you own the earth.

Written by Gozie Udemezue.

Kate

Woman. Journalist. Writer. Blogger. Non Conformist. Rebel. Daring. Creative. Amazing. Unstoppable.

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