Patriarchy hates all women says Joy Isi Bewaji
Get one thing clear. Patriarchy h.a.t.e.s all women.
The fact that it hasn’t yet degraded or humiliated your “type” does not mean it likes you.
Don’t worry, it will get to you soon.
Today it is transactional s.e.x and women who refuse to have horrible Nigerian sex without reward, abi?
I mean… how can you lose out both ways?
Fake an orgasm and still go home sitting on an okada.
Shouldn’t you at least get a Corrolla for your stellar performance?
And if you come with something higher than basic intellect, nice skin and legs that spread out so well they taste like Planta… and sweet conversation afterwards, then an SUV should suffice.
So Patriarchy is angry with this “type of woman” today. And other “types of women” are joining this rather average male species in Nigeria to condemn these women.
Don’t worry, your own narrative will play out soon.
Tomorrow, Patriarchy will drag you from the neck, slam you on the wall and f*ck you like a rag, s.p.i.t on you, and tell you how very little ambitions you have staying with a man for 6 years yet not one worthy gift to show.
That is how this shit smells.
When Patriarchy is done with slay queens, it will come for you – YOU and your vaseline container and N500 bra. It will laugh at you and tell you that you can’t go very far looking like shrivelled agbalumo.
When it is done cussing you out, it will move to the very hardworking woman who says she doesn’t need a man’s money or time. It will poke her sides, mock her loneliness and tell her she is going to d.i.e alone in an aeroplane on her way to Switzerland to attend her 30th wedding as a s.p.i.n.s.t.e.r.
Then Patriarchy will stealthily move to the humble Nigerian wife at home who cooks all the soups, and has not even the slightest solution to anything apart from the amount of detergent that should go into a bowl of baby panties. It will snigger at her and tell her that her egusi smelling armpit has pushed her husband to another woman’s bed.
When it is done scolding that type of woman, it will come to your daughters and spend an hour on TV talking a pile of peadopholic mess about bum shorts on 5 year old girls at the malls.
And this is why I cannot stand stupid women.
This is why I despise the sawdust inside the average woman’s head.
Because you see, your turn will come.
When Patriarchy is done telling Toke Makinwa her bleaching is disgraceful…
It will turn to you and tell you to “tone a little, your black is too black.”
So now we have transactional sex and we want to shame women.
I am here laughing. You people are too myopic.
Blink and the topic will move to single mothers.
And YOU, stupid woman who once shamed another woman and the autonomy of her body, will finally have her moment under Patriarchy’s jungle judgement and strong koboko.
I know Patriarchy, and Patriarchy knows me.
And we both know not to mess with me.
Written by Joy Isi Bewaji