How to attend Owambe party like a pro

Do you want to know how to attend owambe party like a professional? Look no further. The tips provided below will help your owambe ministry if you take them to heart and dutifully follow them.

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“Every Saturday, the Owambe Guests Salvation Ministry will be agog. All nooks and crannies of Nigeria will be experiencing one form of merriment or the other. If you want to partake of these nourishing spirishual exercise, please do the following…

1) POSITIONING

If you are there for the jollof which definitely you are, arrive very early. Preferably close to where the celebrants are seated. Except if your village people are on your case, the waiters can’t miss your presence.

2) ÀSÒ ÉBÍ

I can’t emphasize how important it is for you to wear Àsò ébí. That slang of òwò ánkárá ò jé sémò is not a myth oh.This uniform material is your passport to getting all the party souvenirs.

Don’t go there wearing your most expensive casual jeans and shirt or a pricey gown that isn’t the collective fabric.

How to attend owambe party like a pro

Brethen, I pity you. Your case will be like those foolish virgins in the Bible. You will see, hear and smell of the heavenly jollof but you won’t partake in it.

3) BE RESPECTFUL

Once you see any ònídí básíá basin bottomed woman, hovering near the serving area, you should know that she is the earthly coordinator of the huge sinfully cut meat ministries.

Never underestimate the power of prostrating or kneeling respectfully to greet her. Don’t go and be forming posh bí ómó áláílékò!

Blood of Zebrudiah what are you still doing standing? Oyà Bend low, bend low, bend and see what jollof can do.

4) BE STRATEGIC

Avoid the Slay Queens and Yoruba Demons sitting arena like a plaque except if you came there to shoot your shot. Birds of the same feather flock together and many slay queens/Yoruba demon are there for a different reason so avoid them plixxxx!

5) CASH TIPS

We all know that money makes the world go round. In case you have done any of the above, and it seems like that delicious obstruction filled égusí soup might not get to you, never mind. I gat you. Just give the waiters hovering around a little tip of #200.

Forget what they said about food finishing and watch how the gate of moi moi, salad, ewà agoyin and mortuary standard cold drinks fall on you brother.

6) OR YOU CAN BE LIKE ME

On the d-day, wear your baddest gown(Oshey) adjust your bra cups let them gorgeous twin babies float a little bit up honey, adorn your hands with henna, pop on that false gold or silvery jewelry on, highlight every contourable contour, take a lot of selfies, seat your damn gorgeous self down and go NOWHERE!

This is Sista Adunni reporting live from the Owambe Guest Ministry.”

By Oluwabukola Oseni

Kate

Woman. Journalist. Writer. Blogger. Non Conformist. Rebel. Daring. Creative. Amazing. Unstoppable.

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