According to the tales of many Nigerian women, their husbands patronize prostitutes.
One wonders why married men, often with attractive and willing wives patronize women of the street.
These men patronize prostitutes, from high-class ‘call girls’ to cheap women of the street.
When it comes to sex, their wives may be willing to have face-to-face sex but don’t engage in variations of intercourse, which sometimes encourage their men to visit prostitutes.
For others, when their wives do try the varied sex positions or acts which their husbands particularly desire, they do so reluctantly, and with guilt, thus taking away all their husbands’ satisfaction.
Unlike their wives, prostitutes are in the business of satisfying their customers. For a stipulated fee, they will do almost anything a man desires.
Other men, even though they derive sexual satisfaction from their wives, feel that they need a variety of partners. The quickest and easiest way for these men to find a different partner is to patronize a prostitute.
Some of these men say their wives are stingy with affection, they demand so much in return for having steady sexual relations with them that they find it cheaper and less emotionally blackmailing to patronize prostitutes.
Below are stories of women whose husbands patronize ladies of the red light district and how they feel about it.
Pat: I was breastfeeding his child and he was banging a prostitute
Initially when I found out I felt devastated, but now I feel anger and so much hate. The only reason I stay is because I not only have a 1 year old child, but I am also pregnant. I am also scared of being alone.
Everyday I go over what he did to me. I think what hurts me most is that I was at home breast feeding his child, whilst he was seeing some prostitute and lying to me at the same time. I hate lies.
BEATRICE: He justified his actions
My husband of 10 years has always been wonderful, but he has a weakness. He thinks I don’t know, but I am aware he loves to patronize prostitutes.
It has gone on for so long that I don’t know what to do anymore. Recently, I confronted him with his escapades but he was not remorseful.
He told me that since he provides for me and our children, I don’t have the right to question him about his activities outside our home.
He kept justifying his actions with being a good husband and father. I didn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt stabbed. I am left with all this hurt and pain and yet life just goes on. I just want to scream and cry.
LILIAN: I felt humiliated
This horror is better imagined than experienced. I felt panic, humiliation, confusion, sadness, and pain at the betrayal from the man I love.
I was so angry that I thought about leaving him. I felt I should because he didn’t only commit this abhorrent act of betrayal but he also lied about it and put me at risk.
My husband loves to patronize prostitutes. It was only when he contacted a disease that he came clean with me. I wanted to break his head. I felt useless as a woman. I felt I couldn’t keep my husband.
I am a passionate woman who loves her husband, but I feel that perhaps he doesn’t find me sexually attractive. I am left wondering if he finds me boring and sexually unattractive. He said he was sorry and loves me.
IRENE: I can’t stand my husband anymore
When I discovered my husband visits prostitutes, I felt my heart stop. I wasn’t sure if I heard correctly. Someone called me to say my husband was in the police station because some policemen raided the hotel he frequents.
When I got to the station, he didn’t deny it. Many people even told me he comes thrice a week. And this is the man I can take an oath for. I was shattered.
He even refused to talk about it or give me any explanations. I felt numb from then on. I stopped doing everything that I did for him before and don’t know if I still feel anything for him. I can’t even stand him anymore. He repulses me.
ROSE: It was best to leave him
My husband sleeps with prostitutes and I cannot afford to overlook this. It was much deeper than just a mistake. It was his choice to participate in a lifestyle that gets him both sexual and ego satisfaction.
Married men who patronize prostitutes are seeking precisely what their wives don’t offer, a high risk, thrilling adventure into the unknown, but their wives shouldn’t feel guilty for their own wrong doings.
And since they have nothing to lose with these girls, they can engage in all kinds of deviant sexual practices that they might be ashamed to ask their wives for at no risk to their ego from rejection because they are not investing in the relationship with the prostitute. It is just sex for money.
A man willing to take such risks with his own health and that of his wife is someone who has a major problem that one cannot sweep under the rug. Some men will at least wear condoms to protect themselves and their wives, but not all of them do so, and it is hard to know for sure whether he has or hasn’t, because he can lie.
FRANCA: He denied it
I just found out, but my husband won’t admit to anything. I found an e-mail he sent to an escort. He says that he didn’t send it. I couldn’t believe it. He said that it wasn’t him. I just stood there, stunned. He just lied to my face. I had printed out proof, but he simply denied it. That reaction stunned me. What do I do with that? He turned the tables on me and started asking, “ Are you spying on me? You have too much time on your hands. What makes you think I’m cheating on you? I’m working hard all day so you can be home with the kids and this is the thanks I get?” I stood there in a daze. I told him that he was making a fool of me, that I wasn’t stupid, that maybe I had been a fool for a while but not anymore.
We have been married for 6 years with 2 kids. He’s so good at hiding things and manipulating the truth. I’m starting to doubt myself. I’m finding it hard to deal with this.
I know his friends patronize whores too. He said that he did nothing wrong. I just find the anger and resentment too much to overcome.