‘You are not a wife material.’
‘You cannot stay under a man.’
‘You are too proud to be a submissive wife.’
‘You are too ambitious for a woman.’
‘Don’t you know that you don’t talk back to a man.’
‘You must not buy a car because it will scare potential suitors away.’
And so many other dos and don’ts that many Nigerian women, especially single ladies hear on daily basis.
From family members who think they have the right to tell these young women how to live their lives so as to land to husband to intruding neighbours, friends and colleagues who seem to have opinions about why these ladies are still single.
And the one phrase that is so common these days is ‘you are not a wife material.’
This phrase is thrown at ambitious, independent, single women as if it is going out fashion.
But what do many Nigerian men mean by ‘you are not a wife material.’
How many yards of this elusive wife material do these single ladies need to land husbands?
But have we asked ourselves if these men talking about wife material are husband materials themselves.
Have we taken time to ask if these men truly understand what it mean to be a husband?
Have we taken time to ask them if it is a crime for a woman to be ambitious, dream about the kind of life she wants and work towards achieving that dream?
From strangers in the bus commanding women on where to sit even though they will pay the same fare to men harassing women on social media because they feel women must not have a voice.
Many men believe women must be seen, but not heard.
Women must not have an opinion.
They believe they are superior to women.
So, what does it mean if a Nigerian man tells you you are not a wife material?
These 10 points will give you a clear understanding of what he means:
- I want your silence when my behaviour warrants checking.
- I want you to remain unemotional when I hurt you.
- I want a woman I can control even though she’s a human being like me.
- I want you to spoil me even when I sleep with your friend.
- I want your trust even while I am doing nothing to earn it.
- I want all of you even though you share me with every woman I see on the street.
- I want you to give up your dream for me because marriage is the ultimate for a woman.
- I want you to become a doormat for me, my family members and my friends.
- I want you to take all of the bad behaviour I can exhibit because I am a man without raising an eyebrow.
- I want you to be voiceless, docile and in the shadows because women are to be seen and not heard.
Do these lines sound familiar?
Oh yeah, many women in Nigeria know what I am talking about.
But just bear in mind that as a woman, you are NOT inferior to a man because he has a penis and you have a vagina.
Men and women are equal before God.
Know who you are woman and don’t allow the pressure to get married land you in a messy situation.
These men rely on your fear of being alone.
They overpower your sense of self worth.
Surely, not all Nigerian men behave like this.
But many do because that is what they have unconsciously picked up while growing up.
They also make it hard for women to trust the good ones.
But good men abound.
Just pay attention to their words and actions.
Then you can decide if you want to be their wife material or not.
Wife Material, how many yards, you ask?
It all depends on the quality of the husband material.
Peace everyone.
Written By Kate Halim