Widows in this part of the world are faced with shock, maltreatment and abandonment from supposed friends and family immediately their bread winner dies.
But one woman is demystifying this phase of her life by living positively and purposefully. This widow with three children refuses to let the actions of others influence the way she lives her life.
Gozie Udemezue is Founder Healing Hearts Widows Support Foundation and she has shared a timely message with young widows on how not to live their lives so that they can enjoy God’s blessings.
This is her message:
“My widowed friends, let’s have a short discourse.
One impediment to your happiness and blessings in this phase of your life is bitterness and unforgiveness.
One pattern I noted in my many years of counseling widows, years before I became widowed was the worrisome pattern of widows holding bitterness and anger against different sets of people.
Most especially those who turned their backs on them shortly after their bereavement, those that conspired against them as a result of their being widowed and those who promised to help and failed to.
Some widows are angry with those they had helped who walked away, I was too but the Lord reminded me that He helped them through me, and commanded me to release them. I did. Not easy to do but I did.
Now when I remember them, it is not with anger and bitterness, even at times my children and I would sit around and tell stories of how our home used to be a kind of free food restaurant for some family friends but in 2013, same friends claimed to have heard stories about my atrocities and abandoned me/us without even asking to hear from me/us, but guess what? The food is no more free, we cook same food and sell as Igbotic Soup Mama and make cool cash. So why should I still be angry? Tell me why?
I discovered also that some widows place obstacles on their paths to their blessings by nursing anger and planning revenge against those who made life miserable for them in their most trying period.
Oh stop! Has it helped them in any way? No!You don’t need to revenge bikonu. Allow God to transform you, allow God to restore you. Those folks cannot help you in any way, they themselves need help.
I believe in setting boundaries, I personally believe that not everyone will be part of my journey in this phase and I know those who are not meant to be and I don’t force them to be and I am glad they are not but it won’t make me angry they are not.
I believe that those who conspired, spread falsehood, turned their backs on you, planned evil against you and rejoiced at your woes and loss secretly were never true friends. So isn’t it better for you to give thanks for helping you sieve your basket of friends and family?
I urge you to forgive these categories of people, and be happy that they showed their true colors. You are the only parent your children have and you cannot afford to allow anger and unforgiveness build a station in your life and cost you the blessing your children need to tap from you.
Make conscious efforts to be happy and to stay happy. God will bring to you those He wants you to relate with.
Did I mention setting boundaries? Yes, you must not mingle with everyone. And you MUST NOT HOLD anything against anyone. It’s important that you understand this.
You might need to draw a list of people you are holding stuff against and give these people a gift of forgiveness. Yes, go ahead and do so. Let me tell you how you know you have done so, when you remember them, you won’t be mad, angry, bitter. You will even be willing to offer them help if they need such but for me, from a distance.
Don’t allow anyone rent a space in your heart and life and become a barrier to your glorious destiny.
Widowhood is not a time to continue to fight wars your husband didn’t finish. It is not a time for mental slavery. It is not a time to become beggarly. It is not a time to wage wars.
When people come to you with wars and battles do hand them over to God and watch Him fight for you. He fights best.
I don’t want you to do widowhood the wrong way with anger, bitterness and unforgiveness and lose your blessings because of folks who were never true friends and who were household enemies just that you never knew.
This journey is so tough that you need to be whole to undertake it. Unforgiveness and bitterness will never allow you to be whole.
I dedicate today to newly widowed friends. I have lived stuff and have been helped out by the Lord and I have made mistakes in the past four years and have learnt, I do not pretend to be PERFECT like some folks do. I am not and I do not judge people who fail or fall because I have been there.