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The length of marriage doesn’t make it successful


The length of a marriage doesn’t mean it’s successful.

The length of a marriage doesn’t mean that the couples are happy with each other.

The length of a marriage doesn’t mean that both partners are fulfilled.

When I see women in terrible marriages brag about being married for donkey years, I pity them.

What purpose does the length of an unhappy marriage serve?

Why do women taunt unmarried ladies with the length of their unhappy marriages.

When you claim you have been married for decades but you are living in hell, what are you trying to tell others?

Are you saying that it’s okay to stay in a dysfunctional marriage so you can boast about it later on?


I don’t understand women who claim our mothers had good marriages because they were married for decades.

Many of our parents and grandparents had terrible marriages. Many homes were filled with violence and abuse. Many women stayed in terrible marriages because they didn’t have a choice.

Some of our mothers were not financially empowered so they had no choice but to continue putting up with blows, kicks and verbal abuses. They were also concerned about what society would say about them if they left their violent marriages.

Length of a marriage doesn’t make it successful

Many of them put up with so much humiliation that in some cases, it took their children to get them to safety. I know many children who couldn’t wait to grow up so that they could protect their mothers from their father’s blows and beatings. Is that what people call successful marriages?

Marriages those days were more like master-servant relationships. Those days, women were seen but not heard. They were treated like possessions and couldn’t even tell their husbands what was bothering them.

Women worshipped their husbands like gods. They dare not question them even if they are making bad decisions that are impacting the family negatively. They must agree and do everything their husbands wanted even if it’s killing them.

These scenarios are not my own definition of happy marriages. The duration of a marriage doesn’t mean it is successful. The length of a marriage doesn’t determine the happiness and fulfilment of the couples involved.

This idea that spending donkey years with a man or woman you are not happy with means you have a successful marriage is crap. Many women endured their marriages. They were not truly happy.

Many of them will tell you that they stayed in such marriages because of their children. If you ask them if they wanted to marry their husbands in the next life, they will chorus ‘God forbid’, yet some people claim they had happy marriages.

But these sad stories don’t mean that some people didn’t have good marriages. There are men and women who had enviable unions. Such couples stood by each other when life’s challenges threatened to tear them apart.

They weathered the storms together. They loved one another and didn’t allow anyone or anything to tear them apart. They didn’t abuse or hurt one another. They knew they were a team and stuck to one another for life.

No man or woman should remain in a dysfunctional marriage. This doesn’t also mean that you should bail on your partner at the first sign of trouble. Stick to your marriage vows.



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