This morning, I had a conversation with one uncle who was blissfully swimming in his ignorance regarding female orgasms.
Uncle claims that the Nigerian ladies he has had sex with are not exciting in bed. He says they just lie like a log of wood allowing him to do all the work.
Read our conversation below to understand why ignorance in this digital age is no longer bliss. I am sorry for the woman who will marry this guy. His ignorance is appalling.
CONVERSATION WITH UNCLE IGNORANCE
UI: Why do Nigerian ladies hate sex?
Me: Have you dated all the ladies in Nigeria to conclude that they all hate sex?
UI: The ones I have dated just lie down there doing nothing. They allow me do all the work. They make sex less exciting.
ME: I still insist that not all Nigerian women are boring in bed.
UI: Look at you talking so confidently as if you love sex.
ME: I do love sex. There’s nothing as sweet as sex in this world. Orgasm is life. It makes me glow.
UI: You don’t talk like a married woman. Look at how you are mentioning sex anyhow.
ME: What else should I call it, holy communion?
UI: Do you always talk about sex like this?
ME: Yes, it’s part of my calling. You need to talk to my friends too. We love sex. We enjoy it with our partners and we don’t pretend about it.
UI: Na wa. You are just too free for a woman.
ME: Why do you think those ladies lie like a log of wood during sex with you? Have you asked them what turns them on, where they want to be touched and how they want to be touched?
UI: Why should I ask them such questions. If I want sex, I just undress my woman and thrust till I cum.
ME: You are the one making sex less exciting for these ladies. Poor ladies! You will scatter their treasure trove by thrusting without foreplay. Has any of these ladies reached orgasms with you?
UI: Women don’t need orgasms. Only men need to release to impregnate women. What do women need orgasm for?
ME: Uncle, you are on a very long thing. When you are ready to learn how to pleasure your woman, let me know. For now, wallow in your self inflicted ignorance. I don’t have time for this crap this morning.
Nonsense and what do women need orgasms for. Msheew.