A beautiful domestic violence survivor is celebrating life, freedom, sanity peace and quiet today after revealing some of the horrible things she went through at the hands of her ex.
“You know today will always remind me of when I was admitted back into the hospital few days after I gave birth to Kimmie, because I’ve been diagnosed with Peuperal Sepsis (one of the killers of mothers after child birth), I remembered screaming “God! Will the sufferings ever end?”.
You see, I was being subjected to domestic violence but couldn’t tell anyone. You know how we are made strong; you give birth, clean up behind everybody, work in a job, and at home.
And sometimes, especially for what the society would say, you let in the very person you trusted most and loved most treat you like a dog. You answer ‘Yes, everything is all my fault, I will change, I will try harder, I will be so good”.
Oh well, who was bad? You? Did you push yourself out of a moving car when you were 7 months old pregnant, and abandoned there at Jabi express to literally die in the darkest of the night, and you bled and bled and bled.
Well, after all, you were only pregnant with a girl and….”infact, my mother’s second child after her first son, was a girl, and the baby had to die because we don’t give birth to girls in our family”, he constantly says.
Did you make yourself sleep in the nights with one eye open cos you are afraid of your very life, afraid he could kill you and claim self defence? Oh yes! That guy was a narcissist.
Did you push yourself down the hospital stairs while you were helplessly sitting in a wheelchair as the effect of the epidural was still holding your legs bound and you couldn’t even move it yet to stop the chair from rolling down more stairs, and that was just few minutes after you gave birth; this is after you’ve been in labour for more than 20 hours?
Did you verbally abuse yourself day in day out, and then consoling yourself that ‘at least, he isn’t hitting me?’. And the shock of your life came one day, he is choking you and he kept screaming “today, I will kill you.”
Did you make him vow that your daughter will never bear his name… “and in fact I am going to forget her and pretend that she does not exist for the rest of my life.” Then it’s time to enrol in school….”I”m never going to pay her school fees”.
And you go ahead and pays school fees…”I am never going to come to her school and identify as her father. And any day I see my name in her documents I will arrest you”. Funny thing is that this name cannot even save you when asked “who is your daddy.”
Did you stop him from at least periodically calling to check up on the child you two made, call to say happy birthdays, to congratulate her on milestones achieved, buy her gifts, get involved in her maintenance for once?
Infact, I have gone to a court with my lawyer and it has been agreed I will be sending between 10k – 30k for her upkeep, and it will be sent only when I choose to”.
These were few out of the many evil I went through. You see, whether you are a woman or a man who is being subjected to domestic violence, just remember that you did absolutely nothing wrong to love someone….but then, at some point, you will HAVE TO STAND UP for YOURSELF, for evemore, and for your kid(s) and make a decision.
I may not have be strong for myself, but I know I can be for my daughter. Never in life do I want her to step into my pattern of “accepting and loving no matter what”.
I want her to be strong with the knowledge that this world could be a great place for her, and not a hide out, a cave with fears and tears all around.
At some point, you will need to stand up and make an informed decision about your life…but till then, please stay ALIVE!
So today, once again, I celebrate life, happiness, freedom, sanity, peace and quiet!”
Written by NkasiObim Nebo.
