Ghanian actress Juliet Ibrahim has asked why people blame women for ending abusive relationships while their abusers don’t get questioned. I want to know why too.
I want to know why women who chose their life and sanity are being blamed for refusing to die at the hands of abusive partners and these abusers are excused by the same society.
Popular Ghanian actress Juliet Ibrahim penned down this thought provoking piece recently and it got people talking.
She said:
“Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that any woman grows up with aspirations of raising a child by herself.
Why is it that when a woman has sex with someone, be it a boyfriend or her husband, & she’s left alone, that’s a reflection of her ability to make a sound decision?
What we are saying is; she should have been able to see into the future & know that the man she was having sex with would leave. Either that, or we believe a woman should expect that by default, men will not handle their responsibilities.
Now, if a woman did believe that, she would be labeled as “bitter” or “scorned”, labels that already plague single mothers. The woman will have her guard up and that would be used against her that she doesn’t see a man for his potential and holds on to her past.
That is, if you are never expected to do right, it won’t be counted as your fault when you do wrong. It becomes more of a responsibility of the person who was wronged to know that who she was dealing with who would do her wrong, instead of the one who did her wrong to simply not be an asshole.
Why is the blame always on the woman just because it was her choice to end that relationship and the same applies to a single dad?
Two people who were great for each other at a particular time in their lives may be better off finding love elsewhere after time has passed or things change.
So it’s unreasonable to hold anyone accountable for their relationship status after their parental status has changed.
This is why some women find themselves putting up with toxic relationships because of this fear. They have to choose between being stranded or being damaged & unfortunately, they choose the latter.
Many single mothers chose to face that fear despite the stigma. Even for sake of family, it benefits no one to remain in an unhealthy relationship. An absentee father is better than an abusive or deadbeat one.
When a woman chooses to face judgment, stress and responsibility for her child as opposed to a miserable relationship at the cost of her mental and physical health, it’s worth being commended.”