Sometimes, when I listen to some Nigerian women talk about their horrible marital experiences, I begin to wonder if going through hell at the hands of men who should love and care for them is what it means to be in a committed relationship.
Day after day, some married couples make marriage look like a joke. The stories one hears about how men and women lie, deceive, and treat themselves in their union makes you begin to wonder why they go through so much trouble to get married only to mess up the whole thing.
I read about the heartbreaking story of a woman who got married four months ago and is already dealing with a philandering man who takes nude pictures of himself and sends to his lovers and they also do the same. I was pained.
You have been married for just four months and you are already hopping from one external hole to another like a hungry rabbit without considering how you are hurting your wife or endangering her life. And you want her to be faithful to you while you continue to misbehave with different women.
At this time, sane men are getting to know their wives well both physically and in the other room. Couples who are newly married are still walking in the clouds and exploring one another bodies after four months of tying the nuptial knot, yet this man is busy exchanging nude pictures with different ladies on Facebook.
If you know you want to live your life as a brostitute, be bold about it and live free. Don’t use marriage to deceive another person’s child while you continue your sexual exploration with different women without protection. Are you a dog?
It is unfortunate that many Nigerians don’t know what it means to be in a committed relationship. Some people grew up in families where their parents treated each other with disdain and they thought it is normal.
It is sad to hear many guys lament that today’s women don’t have the strength to endure physical, emotional and psychological abuse like their mothers and grandmothers did as if it is a thing of pride.
Some of these guys are quick to call women who refuse to tolerate abuse names for daring to demand to be treated with respect. They believe that being in a committed relationship means treating your woman like a doormat. They believe that they have the right to live single as married men. What a terrible mentality!
Some guys just want to get married just to please society. They are not equipped spiritually, mentally and emotionally to be married. They go into marriage because they are raised with the mentality that women must take care of them and clean up after them.
This is why some people will see a man washing his own clothes and tell him to hurry up and get married so that his wife will start washing his clothes. This means he is will get married just to get a washerwoman and not someone he will be committed to for the rest of his life.
This is why some people consider it an abomination for a man to cook his own food. They claim it is a woman’s duty to cook, clean and wash yet these same people expect women to contribute financially to the running of the home. They test women for marriage based on cooking, cleaning and sweeping skills.
Many Nigerian men marry for the wrong reasons. They get married to have children, to get cooks, maids, house cleaners and women who will take care of them not because of companionship. It is sad. They treat these women with so much disrespect that you begin to wonder why they got married in the first place.
The annoying thing is that they expect women to be silent about their foolishness and endure their philandering. That is when you will start hearing different silly excuses why they behave like animals on heat.
They tell you that men are polygamous in nature and good women will pray their husbands into freedom from sexual promiscuity. They will tell you that Men are the heads, while women are the necks that keep the heads firmly in place. It doesn’t matter if the heads are not correct, women are supposed to put up with them.
Others who want to make excuses for men’s lack of commitment to their marriage vows will tell you that women must be submissive to their husbands even when their men are behaving anyhow. These women are expected to die trying so hard to keep their marriages to wicked and heartless men. This society is sick.
Commitment begins with desire. Each person has to want it and be willing to sacrifice for the other. It doesn’t make sense to expect commitment from one person and allow the other person behave as if they are not accountable to their spouse.
It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when things are going well. As your relationship changes, you need to have some resolve, make some sacrifices and take the steps you need to take to keep your marriage intact and keep moving forward with your spouse.
What does it mean to be in a committed relationship? It means having eyes for your spouse alone. It means respecting the sanctity of your marriage. It means treating your spouse with respect, kindness and empathy. It means playing and building good memories with your spouse. It means staying committed to a person through the good and bad times.
Commitment doesn’t mean abandoning your wife if she can’t have a child. Commitment doesn’t mean abandoning your wife when she is diagnosed with a terminal illness. Commitment doesn’t mean jumping from one woman to another because some people told you that African men are polygamous in nature.
Going all in all in thoughts, words and actions is what it means to be in a committed relationship. Essentially, this is the strategy you should aim to live by each day. Relationships take work. There will be easy, seamless days, but there will also be conflict and struggle.
Value your time with your spouse. Spend quality time with your spouse. Don’t abandon your spouse all the time to go hang out with friends and expect that person to be happy. That is not how good marriages work. Value the moments you spend with your spouse.
Think about what will make that person happy. Think about ways to improve your relationship, discover fun things to do and chores that will help make your relationship sweet. Express your love to your spouse through your actions. Show your spouse that you care about them. Make them feel wanted.
Actions speak louder than words, but that doesn’t mean words and thoughts don’t matter. Those are what contribute to your actions. So go ahead and treat your spouse with love, kindness and care. Tell your partner you love them. Let them know they are the most important person in your life.
You have to eliminate distractions and temptations if you want to stay committed to your spouse. Vices, temptations, minor distractions are the things that tear relationships apart. And most of the time, it’s not exactly the big-bang approach that ruins marriages but the slow, gradual, and deadly path to destruction that does damage.
Couples are always going to see things through their own experiences first. That’s a fact of life. But what separates great relationships from mediocre ones, is a willingness to understand your partner’s needs, wants and point of view. You have to get rid of your ego and understand where your partner is coming from.
When you are struggling emotionally with anxiety, worry or a feeling of inadequacy, there’s nothing you need more than someone to just listen to you. Part of commitment to your partner is satisfying a need for them. Be a great listener. Do something kind. Always express a genuine interest in understanding their point of view.
In the end, men and women should focus on the things that matters most to them. They should make sure that they truly love and care for their spouses and treat them with respect. This is so important in staying committed to their partners.