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Thoughts and opinions

I will lose any relationship before I lose my mind and independence

Your mental health is a priority

My mental health is a priority as a woman living in Nigeria. I will lose any relationship before I lose my mind, my peace, my voice and my independence.

In this society, a woman is expected to lose who she is to make a man feel superior. You are expected to dumb down yourself and appear unintelligent so that a man can deem you worthy of love, companionship and marriage.

As a woman in this society, you are expected to do everything possible to keep a man by your side. If for any reason, your marriage crashes, it is your fault. If your relationship doesn’t work out, you are to blame.

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You didn’t submit enough. You didn’t pray enough. You didn’t give him sex enough. You didn’t respect him enough. You didn’t reverence his family members enough. You didn’t serve your man enough.

And according to the dictates of this society, you have failed as a woman. If you cannot keep a marriage, like they say, you cannot keep anything. A marriage is a Nigerian woman’s ultimate achievement according to some people.

When a young lady says she doesn’t want to get married, people call her names. They tell her she has spiritual problems. They claim she’s too proud and arrogant and can’t submit to a man and that’s why she doesn’t want to get married.

Others call her a lesbian and threaten her with getting old in her father’s house. Some mock her with her age and tell her that menopause will soon humble her and she will have no choice but to marry the first man who says hello to her.

Your mental health is a priority

Ladies, protect your mental health at all costs. Don’t allow this society stampede you into going into dysfunctional relationships or endure crap from badly raised boys because you want to fit in.

Don’t allow this society pressure you into getting married to a man who feels superior to you, one who believes you are nothing without him, one who doesn’t care about your mental, emotional and financial well being.

Don’t let this society tell you that you cannot live the kind of life you desire because you have a vagina. Don’t let this society rob you of who you truly are. Protect your mental health.

You must not edit parts of you to please a man who feels your sexuality should be something you should be ashamed of. A man who shames women and their body parts is not someone who belongs in your life.

A man who calls female body parts despicable names, insults your gender and calls you foolish, fish brain, weak, erratic, lazy, useless and inferior is not someone you should date or marry.

There’s nothing special about you, he will come for you next. If you think you are immune to his abuse and belittling because you both are dating or married, you are on a very long thing. Think again!

Ladies, stop massaging the over bloated egos of men who don’t love and respect women. Stop doing things you don’t want to do just to show off that you can keep a man. You will drain yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and psychologically.

Protect your mental health. Choose you. Love you. Respect you. Choose you again. Please you. Set standards and stick to them. Refuse to be trampled upon because you are a woman. Protect your peace.

Your mental health should be your priority as a Nigerian woman living in Nigeria when it comes to friendships, relationships and marriages.

Don’t manage any mannerless man, send him back to his parents for proper home training. You deserve better. They can call you names but your peace and mental health should be top on your list. Protect them!

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Written By

I am a woman who is passionate about empowering other women to live their best lives and be free from unhealthy societal expectations. I'm a journalist and a columnist with a reputable media house. I educate, inspire and encourage women to embrace their uniqueness fully. I am a mother to an intelligent girl. I love perfumes.

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