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I’m not a good woman and I don’t want to be

I don't want to be a good woman
I'm not a good woman

I’m not a good woman and I don’t want to be the Nigerian version of a good woman who endures all the crap her man throws at her.

Whenever a Nigerian woman leaves an abusive or serial cheating man, Nigerian men will start wailing about how the woman is not a good woman and how she didn’t fight harder to keep her marriage.

Yawns.

A woman can’t keep a marriage by herself if her husband is destroying the marriage with his irresponsible actions and behaviour. It takes two willing and committed people to make a marriage work.

When I say women should put themselves first, take care of themselves and do the things that make them happy, some ‘good’ women will say I’m teaching women how to be cold and heartless.

When I say women shouldn’t start what they cant finish when it comes to their relationships and marriages, some ‘good’ women will say I’m teaching women how to disrespect their men and rub shoulders with them.

When I say women should stop tolerating abuse of any kind, these same ‘good’ women will tell me that it is not easy to leave abusive men especially when children are involved. I hear you people.

I am not a good woman. I reject the Nigerian version of a good and virtuous woman. God forbid. I can’t live like a donkey. I have one life to live.

But…

I don't want to be a good woman

I’m not a good woman

These good women won’t let your inbox breathe fresh air. These women are always fighting outsiders to leave their baby husbands alone.

They are always bombarding other women with questions that you begin to wonder how they got married to men they can’t talk to or express their displeasure to.

“My husband slapped my mother, what should I do?”

“My husband impregnated my niece, what should I do?”

“My husband banned me from visiting my parents, what should I do?”

“My husband said I look like a pig and that’s why he’s cheating with a married woman with two kids, what should I do?”

“My husband is having anal sex with a chorister in our church and they are not hiding their affair, what should I do?”

“My husband slaps and beats me all the time. I have lost two pregnancies because of these beatings, what do I do?”

“My husband wants me to swallow his cum but I’m not comfortable with that, what should I do?”

Sighs…

Women, choose yourselves.

I repeat, choose yourselves.

Put yourselves first.

Do what’s best for you, your body, your health, your mental well being and your future.

Choose you.

Choose you above men who don’t care about you.

Choose you above that relationship that is threatening your mental health.

Choose you above a marriage that has turned you into a mad woman.

Choose you above a marriage that has sucked life and color out of you.

You matter. Put you first. Stop allowing another human being treat you like crap because you are married to them.

Don’t kill yourself trying to keep an unwilling man. If you die, he will move to the next victim. Choose you. Do you. Live. Just live.

I am still not a good woman and I don’t want to be.

By Kate Halim

Written By

I am a woman who is passionate about empowering other women to live their best lives and be free from unhealthy societal expectations. I'm a journalist and a columnist with a reputable media house. I educate, inspire and encourage women to embrace their uniqueness fully. I am a mother to an intelligent girl. I love perfumes.

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