What are the things Nigerian mums do that make their daughters angry? I’m asking this question because sometimes, mothers think they are always right and don’t offend their children.
But when you have a discussion with their daughters, you will find out that some of them harbor deep rooted resentment towards their mothers.
I keep telling Nigerian mothers that this is not the time for passive parenting. This is not the time to raise your daughters like you were raised. This is not the time for violence and abuse.
Many of us were damaged by our mothers. We still move around with the scars of the physical, emotional and psychological pains they inflicted on us all in the name of discipline. Stop hurting your children.
Stop treating your daughters badly and calling it discipline. Stop making them trust you less each day because you don’t stand up to defend them when it matters or have their backs when it matters.
I know it’s not easy to be a good mother sometimes because of life’s many challenges but mothers have to try to be there for their daughters and treat them better. Being violent is not a good way to raise children.
So I asked some teenage girls around me some of the things their mothers do to them that they don’t like and they gave me a list. I hope mothers can read this post and retrace their steps and do right by their daughters.
Here are 10 things Nigerian mums do that make their daughters angry:
1. They compare their daughters to other people’s daughters. Stop doing this, you are messing up your daughter’s self esteem. Focus on your daughter’s strengths and help them manage their weaknesses. Stop telling your daughters to be like your friends daughters.
2. They refuse to admit their faults and mistakes to their daughters. Some mothers think it’s not right to say they are wrong and apologize when they hurt their children. They feel adults shouldn’t apologize to children. This is not right.
3. They ridicule their daughters without thinking about the psychological and emotional damage they are doing to them. How can you be calling your daughter who is a victim of sexual abuse a prostitute instead of fighting for her to get her molester arrested band jailed?
4. They live hypocritical lifestyles. Some mothers say one thing and do another. They claim to be very religious but live double lives and their daughters see what they do. They teach their daughters to do one thing and then live their lives another way.
5. They belittle their daughters. Some mothers are fond of making their daughters feel useless, irrelevant and non entities. They unleash damaging words on these girls when they make mistakes instead of correcting them in love. Their daughters loathe them but they don’t know.
6. They yell and disrespect their daughters in front of others. This is one of the things a girl told me and it broke my heart. She says her mum is fond of disrespecting her before their neighbors whenever she makes mistakes and it makes her very angry. Why can’t my mum correct me indoors, she asked?
7. They reveal their daughters secrets. This is one of the reasons some girls prefer to trust outsiders instead of their mothers when something is bothering them. A mother who doesn’t know how to keep things her daughter told her in confidence will lose the trust of her child.
8. They fail to affirm their daughters. Some mothers only know how to point out their daughters shortcomings and mistakes but when these girls do well or achieve something good, they never tell them well done. They don’t use positive affirmations on their daughters. They don’t praise these girls when they do something good. It’s bad.
9. They break their promises to their daughters. This is not fair. As mothers, we should lead by example. If you made a promise to your daughter, try and fulfill it because children don’t forget these things. They might not say it but they will trust you less each day.
10. They refuse to listen to their daughters opinions and suggestions about things. This is where some mothers will disagree with me but its fine. Your daughters are human beings with feelings, emotions and ideas. When they want to talk to you, please listen. When they come up with an idea, don’t dismiss them casually. Listen to their idea and fine tune if necessary but don’t tell them that their ideas are rubbish.
Mothers, let’s do right by our daughters.
very true