Nigerian society messed up many women. From childhood, girls are taught to ignore themselves and take care of others.
They are taught how to take care of the home so that they can become good home makers in the future.
They are not taught how to make money, take hard decisions or how to demand respect from the opposite sex.
As teenagers, girls are taught how to wash, cook, clean, behave and talk so that they can attract good men to marry them. It is always about pleasing men. It’s as if women don’t matter.
A woman’s education means nothing because she is expected to forsake her dreams. She must please any man that marries her and make him happy at all costs even if it means losing her mind.
As adults, women are expected to dumb down themselves so that men can accept them and reward them with marriage. Women are expected to tolerate abuse.
They are encouraged with stories of women who suffered and endured abuse and enjoyed their relationships afterwards. They are hounded to pray for the men abusing and disrespecting them.
I saw this post on Facebook and it captures how this society damaged women:
“This society has messed up a lot of women. Act, pretend, ignore, lie, and overlook abuse.
And these are supposed to be the wise actions to keep a marriage to a community penis?
It is sad how some women have been conditioned to see themselves as without value and undeserving of respect, that they have to constantly pretend and manipulate.
See how conveniently these women disregard all the suffering and health risks a woman with a cheating husband is exposed to, rather they are more interested in protecting and petting the man and keeping the marriage.
Give him sex, show him love. Your depression is invalid, the emotional abuse is irrelevant, the neglect is no big deal.
Marry your children. Get a job.
Do not hold your husband accountable.
Ignore his neglect and irresponsibility towards his child.
Console yourself but you MUST remain in that deceitful, hurtful and dysfunctional union.
How can you be valued, if you do not value yourself? How can you be respected if you keep believing you do not deserve respect?
It’s a sad life many women live and pass it on to their children, who many times (if they don’t work on themselves to change) grow up as dysfunctional adults/parents.
And the vicious cycle continues, another generation who will also be giving these type of advice and living such sad lives.”
Written by Nnenna Squared
Well written. The lives many of our mothers lived. Our young men never liked how their fathers treated their mothers yet they can’t do better to change the narrative.
It’s sad that these young men are following their fathers footsteps. Women need to do better and stop tolerating abuse and disrespect. If they don’t set good examples for their children, these children will repeat the cycle of pain, abuse and disrespect.