“So many of us are suffering in silence. So many of us are walking around with voids in our hearts chanting “live, laugh, love” when we are barely living, hardly laughing, seldom loving. Crying without shedding tears. Too much anguish boiling within us.
Heartbreak, loss, failure, sickness, anger, bitterness, shame, violence, abuse, joblessness, discrimination, low esteem, self hate, hopelessness. Suicidal thoughts haunt you.
You don’t fit in. No one truly sees you. No one sincerely understands you. There’s really none to talk to. Therapists are expensive. Friends are fiends. So you marinate quietly in your own terror and lie “I’m doing great!” when they ask how you’re doing.
Perhaps you lie because you can feel they don’t mean it. You can tell they don’t really care how you are. They’re just making standard conversation. “My inbox is open,” but their heart isn’t.
You’re so smart, so sharp, yet nothing to show for your brilliant mind. So skilled, so talented, yet no achievements from your gift. So hardworking, so diligent, yet no success from your work. So faithful, so loyal, yet no appreciation for your virtues. It’s all futile.
And yet with every dawn, with every cheery chirp of the birds you awake to toil and relive yesterday; for today is just the same as yesterday, and you know tomorrow will be the same as today.
The wisdom and knowledge in spiritual texts and from spiritual teachers has become hogwash. The advice by motivational speakers, those that have apparently been there, done that, and conquered, has become bullshit. Solutions offered by religious parties are all nonsense.
It may be working for others, but nothing seems to be tailor made to your own personal suffering. Nothing seems to be practical for your own life situation. What then can you do but to follow your own ways, to follow your own heart to where it could lead you, whether to eternal damnation or to the land of milk and honey?
So many of us are suffering in utter silence, and only the walls around us when we’re alone know the extent of just how deeply we feel alone.”
Written by Wanja Kavengi
this is so deep