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Nigerian women don’t have to get married to prove their worth to society

The earlier Nigerian women learn that they don’t have to get married to prove their worth to this society, the less sob stories they will tell about their marriages years later.

You don’t have to go into a marriage because some people are pressuring you to do so especially when there are red flags telling you that the man you want to marry is not good for you.

You don’t have to displease yourself to please this hypocritical society. No matter what you do as a woman in Nigeria, people will still judge you. No matter how much you try to fit into this society’s expectations of you, it won’t be enough.

I’m tired of seeing women lose themselves, their self worth, their dreams, their jobs, their money and time for men and marriages. These women rush into marriage to please society and then rush out.

You will see a beautiful and intelligent young lady doing well for herself and you will be happy that she’s doing well. Then bam, one day she gets married and starts losing herself.

She stops doing the things she loves because husband doesn’t like it not because she’s doing something bad. She stops earning her own money because husband says money makes women proud and arrogant.

She stops going out with her friends because husband says she doesn’t need friends since she’s married to him. Her marriage is now her all in all. Aunty will agree.

She stops dressing the way she dresses before marriage because husband doesn’t want other men looking at his wife. The funny thing is that uncle saw her dress like that before village people pushed him to marry her.

 

She stops relating with her family members after marriage because husband doesn’t like that. Husband insists she must only relate with his family because she married his family.

She stops taking care of herself because husband says she doesn’t need make up to look good. She must spend all the money he gives her taking care of their children.

She stops being outspoken and bold after marriage because husband shuts her up with slaps, blows, kicks and regular beatings. She doesn’t have anywhere to turn to because people expect her to endure everything she’s going though.

They tell her that marriage is for better for worse. They remind her that God hates divorce. They refuse to state that God hates wickedness, violence and abuse. They tell her to endure like our mothers did.

If she summons courage to leave her abuser, the same people she was trying to please by settling for an enemy of progress husband will start calling her names. They will accuse her of not being patient enough to pray for her marriage to work.

They will tell her that she’s breaking God’s law by leaving an abusive spouse. They will remind her that she will die and go to hell for choosing to leave with her life and sanity intact. They will call her unprintable names.

Other people will claim she left her abusive spouse to start prostituting herself. They will ask her why she got married in the first place if she knew she won’t be tolerant of her husband’s excesses.

Dear young Nigerian woman, be wise! This society doesn’t care about you. If you haven’t met a man who will love and respect you like you deserve and support your dreams, please don’t get married. Don’t do it to please family and friends. You will regret it.

Many of the guys roaming around these days weren’t raised well. They weren’t taught how to love and respect women. They saw their fathers treat their mothers like trash and think that’s the way marriage should be.

This is why they continue the cycle and start treating their wives the same ways their fathers did. They get shocked that their wives are not willing to endure nonsense behavior from them and that is where problem starts.

You don’t marry a woman and cage her. Marriage is not a prison yard. You don’t marry a woman and turn her into who she is not because you feel you can do anything you want and get away with it.

You don’t marry a woman and isolate her from the people in her life long before you came into the picture and expect her to be happy. You don’t stop a woman from doing what she loves and expect her to thank you.

You are just an abusive piece of shit. You deserve to be left alone. Nigerian women need to stop seeing marriage as a way of proving their worth. In most cases, it doesn’t end well. This society will still drag you like small generator.

So, why not give this society a big middle finger and live your life on your own terms? Why not stop entertaining abusive and foolish guys because you want to get married? Why not stop marrying down? Why not say no the pressure?

Written By

I am a woman who is passionate about empowering other women to live their best lives and be free from unhealthy societal expectations. I'm a journalist and a columnist with a reputable media house. I educate, inspire and encourage women to embrace their uniqueness fully. I am a mother to an intelligent girl. I love perfumes.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Ebube

    October 3, 2020 at 7:11 pm

    thank you

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