“This is not the first time that I’ve admitted to regretting having a child, but it isn’t something I speak about openly, most people in real life wouldn’t understand.
I made a deliberate decision to become a parent. I told myself fairly early on that I could go either way, that I would be fine if I didn’t end up having children, and that if I did choose to have a child- it would only be because I had a supportive partner who was also there for the child.
I met someone who wanted children, and is absolutely amazing with kids. We had a really good life. We travelled. We enjoyed our hobbies. We did the things we wanted to do. We were also financially comfortable enough to choose if/ when we wanted to start a family.
We got pregnant, and were super happy; but after giving birth, the nightmare began.
Giving birth was traumatic. I was immobile for a whole week in the hospital. After giving birth, I could barely move without feeling pain so excruciating it made me cry. I couldn’t breastfeed.
I felt like the biggest failure when I saw other mums in the hospital breastfeeding their children. My milk took over a month to come in. I was mixed feeding but wish I would have just made the choice to go with formula instead.
Everything about the pregnancy, the child’s birth, breastfeeding, the physical immobility, and the sleep deprivation broke me. I had post natal depression. I resented the world and everyone in it. I resented my child. I regretted having her. I still regret her; and she’s three now.
I have openly told my parents and my family that my biggest regret in life is having a child. Biologically, I love my daughter to the ends of the world, and would die for her; but I HATE being a mother.
I hate society’s view that women are the primary carers. I hate the fact that having my daughter in my life means I have to put everything else on hold. I’ve been called selfish, cold, and heartless for even thinking this way by my family.
My husband understands my struggles, but can never relate. He eased into parenthood like a fish to water, while I struggle on a daily basis.
Hubby helps out a lot with the house chores and with my daughter, but somehow I’m the “preferred” parent. I don’t get a break. I have a super busy and stressful job, and I’m an ambitious woman. I want to go further in my career, but I feel like I can’t due to this child being in my life.
There are days when things are better than others- when she isn’t screaming down the house or being the little f**kwit that she is, when she gives me hugs and kisses and it’s fine for 2 hours; but most days it’s a battle. Doesn’t matter if I’m calm or not, happy or unhappy- she acts like she was born to make my life miserable.
To be honest, if I was a single mum, I would have either gotten an abortion or given her up to be adopted by another family.
So, that’s how I feel. I don’t think there’s anyone in my life who can relate to this intense sh*tty feeling.
I work longer hours just so I don’t have to deal with her. I don’t get any joy out of spending time with my daughter, how f**ked up is that?
There’s nothing I can do except keep pushing on and hopefully I can reach a point in my life where I won’t feel this way. I really hope I do.
My family tells me I should have another child. I’d rather jump off a bridge than do that to myself. I can’t cope with 1 right now, why would I want 2?
This is just me venting to a forum of people who may be able to relate. Thanks for listening.”
-Anonymous
From I Regret Having Children Facebook Page.