I grew up a foster kid and I don’t have the best grasp of normal family dynamics, so I’m not sure if I’m TA or not.
Background info, I (27F) do not get along with my fiancé’s family. His parents have been rude to me from day one because I don’t fit their ideal of what a nice girl should be and my background is significantly different than theirs.
His brothers and SIL are also a bit condescending about my work and lifestyle. After a particularly contentious holiday visit last year, I told my fianceé that I would be LC/NC with his immediate family thereafter.
I don’t mind him visiting them or keeping in touch at all, but I will not. They can always be his family but they won’t be mine. If that was a deal breaker so be it. He agreed that it
was fine.
We are child free, plan to elope instead of have a ceremony, and as much as I move around for work, we’ll likely be thousands of miles away from them for most of our lives together.
His brother and SIL were in a car wreck last week and both ended up in ICU. They have three kids under 10 and as my fiance’s parents were at the hospital and he wanted to be there as well.
He asked if I would watch his niblings at their house for a few hours and possibly overnight depending on how things went. I told him no.
I’ll be happy to deliver food, drop off anything he needs, and run errands, but I won’t stay at his brother’s home or be in a position to interact directly with his family.
Besides, there will be a disruption to my work schedule if it turned into an overnight deal since I have to get up very early. I doubt they want me there and it sounds like a fight waiting to happen once the emergency is over.
We went back and forth over it, but he finally ended up staying with them himself overnight and the following day. I dropped off clothes and food that night and the next day, but he just took them without speaking. The brother and SIL will be fine, fortunately.
When he got back home, he laid into me about not helping with his niblings when the situation is so extreme. I told him I did help, just not the way he wanted exactly, and he already knew my boundaries.
He said it would have taken the pressure off of him and also been a good olive branch. I told him his family already burned the olive tree and they don’t get to look down on me and still be able to call me in in a crisis.
Doing the legwork I did was supporting him and I just really don’t care about them anymore beyond him. We’re not arguing anymore, but we still disagree.