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Why I Refused To Name My Baby After My Wife’s Dead Husband


Losing a loved one is obviously very difficult, but grief can sometimes cross an invisible line — and that’s precisely what is going on in u/Throwawaytoisy‘s post to the AITA Reddit community.

He posted a week ago wondering if he was wrong “for telling my wife I don’t want to name our child after her late husband?” and Reddit users quickly assuaged his fears.

I’m 41M, my wife is 38F. She is pregnant with our first child together, and he was a big surprise. She is due in November.

She has a daughter from her first marriage (18F) and goes to college now. I have a nephew (16M) who has lived with me since he was a toddler and I consider him my kid.

My wife and I got married 8 years ago. Her first husband died 15 years ago.

We are finally making a shortlist of baby names for boys and my wife has her heart set on Thomas (her first husband’s name). I don’t want to name our child after a deceased person, because I feel that it’s just so much baggage to put on a child. I don’t want it as a first or a middle name.

I told her that I am fine with whatever name, as long as he isn’t named “after someone” (anyone). She likes other names too: Daniel, Chris, James,… I like them all, I will love my son with any name. I just don’t want to name him after her late first husband.

We talked about it the other day and she told me all the reasons why she wants to name him Thomas. It will be her way of honouring him, of remembering him, it’s a great name, etc. I think some of her reasons are super valid.


I told her I really don’t want our son to be named after her late husband. She said I am being insecure and jealous of a dead man. I said that’s unfair to say.

His picture is on the wall of our family pictures, we visit his grave together sometimes, his parents still come over to visit my wife sometimes. She still has her wedding ring from their wedding (she doesn’t wear it though), and wears a necklace he bought her. I am okay with all of it.

She said I am being a petty a**hole for not even wanting to use it as a middle name.


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