“My (F27) best friend (F27) is getting married in February. She has been planning her wedding for two years and I have been actively helping her the entire time as her maid of honour.
I am extremely excited for her to get married, but she is slightly controlling. She’s the kind of girl that has to have everything perfect or it’s completely ruined. But her wedding, her rules.
Well, I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of October and am due toward the end of June. This is my first baby and I have struggled heavily with fertility issues so this is a literal miracle baby.
My husband and I had literally just given up hope in trying for a little while this past summer. I will be in my second trimester during the time of her wedding.
Well, I told my best friend last week and she seemed… upset. She wasn’t too happy that I was pregnant and her first question is if I would fit in my bridesmaid dress. The dress is extremely flowy and I told her that I should be just fine, and if not I’ll cover the cost of any alternations/buying another dress (I bought my dress in the first place anyways). Like literally her first question, not even congratulations.
I tried to shrug it off and just assumed she was stressed. Her bachelorette party is next month (I’ve been exclusively planning it) so I just reached out with the final details to her to confirm everything.
During the phone call she tried to make me feel bad that I wouldn’t be drinking with the rest of them and that it wouldn’t be the “bach party of her dreams” and I told her it would still be fun. That upset me even more, but I just tried to shrug it off once again.
Today she called and told me she had a “hard decision” to make but she’s been thinking about it and while she would like to keep me MOH she doesn’t want me in her pictures. She said that my bump would be too distracting, she didn’t want her pictures to turn into a “maternity photoshoot” and that she just didn’t feel comfortable with it.
However, she still wanted me to pay for the bachelorette party, help her plan the wedding, and wanted me to do almost everything MOH except be in pictures and she was debating if she still wanted me to give a speech. She then sent me a bunch of bag-like dresses to choose from as my new dress since I won’t need my MOH dress.
We have been best friends since we were 10. I would have never in my wildest dreams expected her to act this way. WIBTA for dropping out of her wedding?
I really don’t feel like paying for, and being supportive of, a person who treats me like a disposable mooch after years of fertility issues. But I also feel like I may be overreacting as some of my friends said that I would look odd in the pictures. Thoughts?
I think I realized all too clearly in almost an instant that the second she got engaged that our friendship became a business-partnership to her, whereas it never changed for me. For the past two years, what I thought were friendship-bonding experiences for me I realized were merely free expenses for her.
In the end, I decided to step out of the wedding as MOH. I will be sending all the information I have to our joint friend who is in the wedding party and will still be paying for that friend’s portion of the bach party instead of the whole thing, as I know it will put that friend out of money which I feel awful about.”