Yana Fry met her ex-husband when she was only 21 years old. He was 15 years older than her but that didn’t matter then.
While most young women her age were finishing their degrees or traveling the world, Yana was getting ready for marriage.
When she and her ex were dating, they had a thriving relationship. She truly thought they would be together for the rest of their days. She never imagined having to divorce him. “We had a great dating experience. I definitely thought, ‘I’m marrying for life, and I want babies right away,”’ she said.
Only three months into their marriage, Yana revealed that her husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. “Then my husband, who was 37, got diagnosed with testicular cancer when I was 22.”
Yana Fry may have been young, but she knew she wanted to have children one day. However, she feared this would not be an easy task because of her ex’s diagnosis.
This was on of the reasons she asked for a divorce. “The chances of people dying from testicular cancer are not as high as other types of cancer. Usually, doctors tell you that unless there’s some kind of big exception, you’re going to survive for quite a while. But I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to have children,” she said.
Although they had a good relationship, it was not strong enough to endure this curve ball. According to Yana, her ex was the type of person who couldn’t handle the diagnosis, and he wallowed in self-pity.
This can be exhausting for a woman at this time of her life. “People react in one of two ways to critical illnesses, I’ve seen it over and over,” she said. “The first type was how my husband unfortunately was – the people who drown in self-pity. The second type of people are those who are instead concerned with everyone around them.”
After five years, countless doctors, and various treatments, their relationship took a toll; it was not the same as it was when they first started dating. Yana was a shell of her former self. All the support she had given, but not receiving any in exchange, took a massive toll on her spirit. “I felt like I couldn’t say anything,” she said. “When someone is dying next to you, you feel like you can’t talk about your own wellbeing because you compare it to their suffering.”
She did not ask her husband for a divorce right after he was diagnosed, but only when she realized staying with him was also killing her. Figuratively speaking, of course. “It was very clear to me that if I didn’t save myself, I was probably going to die,” she said.
Yana’s request to divorce her ex-husband only deepened his sense of self-pity. “His main focus was more and more so about him. At the beginning of his treatment, he was still checking on me. He felt even more pity for himself because of the divorce,” she said.
Even though Yana Fry was free from her burdensome marriage, her decision put her in the limelight of a judgmental society. “I can’t say that he was hugely supportive, but it was understandable. What was even harder was reaction of society, which I didn’t expect,” she said.
“People sent me horrible messages. I don’t want to call it hatred, but it was close to that. People were in pain and they wanted to blame someone. His family were so disappointed.”