I (m39) cheated on my wife (f39) about a over year ago with a friend and I regretted it the moment I did it. I told her the moment I got home.
I was on a trip with friends that she couldn’t go to. I got very drunk. No excuse. I cut my trip and went home and confessed everything. I hate myself for doing this to this day. I love my wife more than any other human being.
Her first reaction was divorce and I moved out to her old apartment. We were discussing breaking the news to our children and families after we’ve settled in our new roles. I told her I didn’t want divorce and I would do anything but she refused.
However we have two children, after two months, I was picking up our children and she broke down and told me she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t spend another week away from her babies and begged me to take her back.
It was very emotional for me to see HER do the begging. I told her that I love her and would do anything to make us work. She made me promise to never tell anybody that I cheated on her. I agreed.
Now one year later, she’s not the same person anymore. For the children and our families she’s her normal warm and loving self. But she’s not the same. I don’t remember her ever starting a conversation with me. She’s not rude and she is still a great listener and she engages when I talk but she never initiates conversations. I haven’t seen her n@ked either.
Usually she walked around naked in our room after taking a shower while I lay in bed watching tv. And she’s doing her nightly routines like brushing her hair or putting body lotion after showering. She also used to tease and be playful, like climbing into bed from my side, n@ked, over me, obscuring the TV and says sorry I had to take the shortcut (instead of walking around the bed to her side). I knew she just wanted attention because she would just sit there on me. No matter what I was watching. Even if it was Manchester-Bayern 1999 finale, I would drop everything with her sitting on me with her beautiful face and sly smile.
I loved how comfortable she was around me. I was in bed two nights ago watching TV and she came out of the bathroom with her big pyjamas and she walked around and climbed from her side. I told her I missed her shortcuts. I was getting emotional and I couldn’t say anything else but I’m so sorry and I love you. She just looked at me sadly and then went to reading.
Next morning, she was even more distant than usual and when I got home she said she wanted to talk to me. She said that she was sorry and she understood that I feel lonely. She said she’s been thinking about this for a while now and she’s come to a solution. We could open the marriage so I can have s€x. She said she was 100% onboard only that it stays between us, I use protection and I don’t tell her about the other women.
I was in such rage that all I could say is are you serious now? I left home to cool off. This morning she told me I was being unfair being this angry with her. That she’s been feeling guilty for not giving me what I need so she’s trying other compromises. “You can’t be angry without even giving it a chance” and “You promised you would do anything to make us work”.
AITAH for getting mad? I feel so broken that my wife doesn’t care that I sleep with others. Not only that, she encourages it. AND SHE THINKS THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY?
