“My husband, Liam (39M) and I (36F) have been married for 11 years, together for 15.
A couple of years ago, our little bundle of joy, our six-year old daughter was snatched away from us in a car accident, in which Liam was driving.
I was back home when I had received a call from the hospital. Liam was in ICU for a month, while I received the terrible news of the death of our daughter who died on spot. He went in shock when he heard the news.
Ever since then, Liam has completely withdrawn from me. He took off all the pictures which contained our daughter, turned her room into his study, and pretended as if our daughter never existed. I knew he was grieving, many times I had heard him silently weeping in our daughter’s room.
I tried to get him into therapy, or for us to go to counselling, but he had shut down my offer every single time, and goes in rage whenever I mention it, he yells, he breaks things, and storms off, and doesn’t come back home for a couple of days, leaving me worried sick. He barely comes home nowadays, completely avoids me, and rejects my every attempt for comfort.
Once, when I had tried to make him understand that this wasn’t what our daughter would have wanted, he completely lost it, smashed a flower pot against the wall, and told me to go fk myself or better, die and never come back.
Liam was never like this, he was a very sweet, calm and patient man, and loved our daughter to death, so much so, that her first word was ‘Dada’.
I still love him, but I miss our daughter too, I need some comfort too, neither of us have any siblings, and our close friends are in different countries. Liam is NC with his mother while his father had died shortly after the birth of our daughter.
My parents tried to comfort me as much as they could, they told me to be patient with him, to help him get back on his feet, but I am tired, I tried everything.
Earlier, we used to share the household chores, but now I have completely taken them on myself so that he can grieve in peace, I cook his favorite meals, which he throws away without even taking a single bite.
The last straw was a couple of months ago, when I had told him if he doesn’t get into therapy, I’d file for a divorce. He coldly smiled at me, and thanked me for showing him my true colors, he told me to go ahead with the divorce since I seem so eager to ditch him.
I feel guilty, horrible and completely useless, but I just can’t go on like this any longer. Should I give him more time? Would things get better? WIBTA if I leave him now, when I’m supposed to be comforting him?”