There are ways having an estranged family affects your marriage. If you are estranged from your family, whether due to emotional abuse, verbal abuse, toxicity, stealing, backstabbing or other types of betrayal, you may have accepted a long time ago that you are not going to have one of those close-knit families who have each other’s back.
You are okay with that and you have made a new family through your true friends. You take care of yourself, enjoy self-healing journey and have let go of the idea of having a close family. But all that can be disrupted when you meet your future spouse. He wants to know your family, but you know they would ruin everything if you allow them back into your life.
Having to explain to a prospective spouse and his family that you have a turbulent or non-existent relationship with your family can be difficult. You have accepted it but they may not do that because their own family is close-knit and beautiful. And this can cause some friction because they need a lot of time understand your reality.
Woman, here are 10 ways having an estranged family affects your marriage.
Your husband must keep your secrets
Your husband has a long list of information about your life that he is not allowed to share with your family. There are parts of your life that are sacred to you, that you don’t want them touching and your husband has the huge task of concealing this information.
Your husband becomes your new family
Your husband becomes your new family. Some women feel their spouses are their family in a way but for you, he’s your only family. That is a special bond but it can also put a lot of pressure on him.
Your husband is confused about where he stands
It can be difficult for your partner to know where he stands with your family given the relationship you have with them. Should he attempt to get to know them? If and when you do see them, how close should he be getting? What are the rules for him? He has many questions.
His parents can judge you
His parents cannot imagine being estranged from their child. They would never forgive their children for severing ties with them. If they can’t imagine forgiving their child for that, it’s hard for them not to judge you for being estranged from your own family.
Your husband hides info from his parents
You also have to ask your husband not to tell his family some things about your family. Certain details are so upsetting he would make them start questioning whether you are capable of building a family with him and raising your children right.
His parents hound you to fix things
His parents tell you, time and time again to try and fix things with your family because they are your blood. They don’t understand how much you have already tried or how much you are hurting. They don’t understand that it’s healthy for you to keep a distance.
You get unsolicited pity from his family
You get a lot of pity from your spouse’s family that you don’t want. You stopped pitying yourself a long time ago but they are throwing a pity party on your behalf. But that is what you don’t want because you are at peace with your life and decision.
Your spouse fears you have the flight gene
Sometimes, your husband can’t help but wonder if you have a tendency to run away from him. He will keep wondering that if you can run away from your family, then what can you do to him? You have to assure him that staying away from your family was a tough but correct decision for your life and well being.
Distant in-laws have many questions
Your husband’s close family knows the issues you have with your family, but his distant family doesn’t. So when you meet new, distant in-laws, you can be frustrated from having to re-answer questions like, “So, where is your family?” and “Your family couldn’t make it?”
Your husband wants all grandparents involved
It’s only natural that your husband mourns the loss of having all grandparents involved in his children’s lives. Even if you don’t have children yet, one day, if you do, your husband will probably start asking if your parents can be more involved in their lives.
