Think of the children is another trap patriarchy employs to shut women up

Think of the children is another trap patriarchy employs to shut women up says Joy Isi Bewaji.

Since Tonto Dikeh bared her soul on what happened between her and ex husband Churchill, Nigerian have been saying she should think of her son and stop talking about her experience.

I laugh at this custodians of patriarchy both male and female who think it’s right for a man to castigate his ex wife all the time but the woman should keep quiet, not defend herself and ignore malicious tales about her because of her child.

This is what Joy Isi Bewaji wrote about Tonto Dikeh’s tell all video and I agree with her.

“When people say…

“While sharing your experience on social media, think of your children.”

I always wonder.

Are you saying we cannot look our kids in the eye and say…

“Yo! That bitch niggaa was an assh*le, so I went H.A.M. on him. I dragged him like a piece of rag, dragged him to court, and wrote the stories on social media. I did it all in stiletto, without a fvck given!”

Are you saying we cannot tell our children something like that?

Pfff! That’s easy nah.

We tell these stories over cups of ice cream with our kids. They will laugh, they will cringe, they will nod, they will leave their mouths open…

They will gasp, “Wow!”

You think we are trying to be perfect with our kids? You think we generally give a fvck?

You are a mother. You look good. You prioritise your life well. You make money. You provide for them. You fight for them. And you confront life like a bad bitch.

You think your children will not be proud of you?

They may not fully understand your power and your fire…

But they respect you. And it is not the kind of respect that is badgered on them to give.

Your children will respect the CONSISTENCY of your life, your story, the battles you have fought, the victories you have accumulated, the failures too.

Children respect honesty.

Because nobody is trying to be perfect with ’em kids.

Nobody has time for that.

“Think of the children” is yet another trap Patriarchy employs to shut you up.

Your children will grow and life will present itself in many versions.

They will look back and say…

“Yea, that’s why my mum was a bundle of wonder. I stan.”

Your children would hate you if you allow yourself to break under the control of another human being – especially under a man!
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I don’t think I’d ever forgive a mother who would stay in a bad marriage/relationship.

I don’t think I’d ever understand if my mother aged beyond her years for all the suffering she allowed herself endure in a marriage.

I would hate that.

Thank God I have a mother whose strength I was able to multiply to become what I am.

Imagine the fibre my children will be made of.

We outchea slaying Night Kings!

And we tell our truths without any shame.
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May I introduce you to the New Woman.

This is how we choose to live.

You don’t like it?

Binsh, nobody cares about your opinion.

Shior!

This was inspired by Tonto Dikeh’s tell-all video.

And for those calling her sick…

You and Patriatchy are strong, but the woman who is unbridled is stronger.

Las’ las’ y’all be all right.”