There’s more to marriage than looking for a cook, maid and dry cleaner in a woman

Marriage is not for immature men and women. Marriage is not where you display your childish behaviour, hoping someone else’s child will continue to clean up your mess. Marriage is not for badly raised boys who think the world revolves around their penis.

Marriage is not for people who are not ready to share their dreams, fears, failures, successes and future with someone else. Marriage is not for men who want to feel powerful oppressing their women and behaving like a god.

Marriage is not all about cooking and cleaning. It is not all about getting a woman who will slave away her destiny washing your dirty boxers and cooking food like her destiny depends on it. You should be taking care of yourself first before you can share your life with someone else.

When I hear people tell bachelors to go and get married so that they will start eating good food, I laugh. This is why some of them end up with terrible women who cook good food but have zero relationship or business skills. This is how they end up with badly behaved women who don’t think twice about disgracing them everywhere they go.

This is how these lazy men who can’t take care of their washing and cooking needs end up with women who know how to pretend well and when these women show them their true colours, they start crying.

Focusing on irrelevant things while seeking for a life partner is the reason why many men marry women who stylishly pass other men’s children to them while pretending to be virtuous and mentioning Jesus ten times in a sentence.

Dear Nigerian men, marriage is not all about food. Deal with your laziness and gluttony. If you can’t take care of yourself as a human being, why do you think a woman should do that for you? Don’t you have hands to cook your own food, clean your own house and wash your own clothes?

There’s more to marriage than looking for a cook, a maid and a dry cleaner in a woman. You guys miss the point with your mundane search for cooking and cleaning qualities in a woman. Think about your future. What will that woman bring to your life aside cooking, cleaning, washing and sex?

Marriage is serious business. It is not for boys who want to have their way all the time. It is not for girls who don’t have any other future ambition other than to latch on to a man who will take care of all their financial needs and cater for their family’s financial burdens.

Marriage is a union between two imperfect people who come together to make each other better. It is a phase of life that requires maturity, patience, forgiveness, unity and faithfulness. It is not a cover for lesbians and gays who refuse to come out of the closet. These people just get married to hide their sexual orientation. They don’t care how they are hurting their partners.

Marriage is not for immature men and women

You need more than love to keep your marriage alive. Love is not enough. You must like your partner and have a deep respect for them. You need someone who is your best friend. You need a rock and a place that is not just a house, but a home. You need a partner in life. The best marriages I have been blessed to know have had that at their foundation.

As you get ready to get married, just know that the annoying habits that drive you nuts before you are married won’t go away once you become man and wife. Your spouse’s annoying habits multiply exponentially after you have tied the knot.

There are little things that gain annoying momentum as years go by. While dating, you might write them off as changeable and cute, but when the adrenaline wears off, those pesky habits became a problem.

If you suspect your spouse is upset about something, find out what it is, don’t wave it aside. When you are married to someone who doesn’t want to talk about challenges and concerns in the marriage, communicate with them more.

Don’t settle for ‘I am okay’. Men, don’t fall for that trap. If a woman tells you she’s fine when smoke is escaping from her ears in anger, pester her to tell you what is wrong. If not, you are making something out of nothing.

If you want to build a lasting marriage, be aware that a marriage certificate doesn’t change much. A paper will not miraculously change anything about a person. Women are the worst hit. They erroneously believe marriage changes a man. That is a big lie.

A marriage certificate and ring doesn’t change who someone is. Stop deceiving yourself. If he’s a community penis, that is a cheat before marriage, he will graduate to international penis, a chronic cheat after marriage. Marriage certificate means nothing to man who lacks scruples.

You don’t have to stay in a bad marriage. No man or woman should feel trapped in a marriage that lacks mutual love and respect. I know Nigerians are very religious people who claim God hates divorce whenever someone says they are tired of being hurt and taken for granted in their marriage. Does God love lies, cheating, domestic violence and maltreatment? No.

As you go into marriage, bear in mind that your spouse will grow and evolve. They won’t remain the same person you fell in love with and married. You will change too. This is why it is important to grow together as a couple. You both should support each other to progress in life.

When I hear women who say they stood by their men and supported them to be prosperous, only to be abandoned later when the man becomes successful, I don’t pity them. Your husband is his own person, you are your own person.

You shouldn’t stop growing as a person because you are supporting a man to be successful. Build yourself too. Have your own life. Go after your own interests so that you don’t become resentful afterwards.

In marriage, meddling in-laws will test your marriage. It’s your marriage and your life but issues within the immediate family can cause a huge problem in your marriage. It can chip away at your trust and your respect for one another.

Men and women who are dealing with intruding in-laws can feel so alone if their spouses don’t act like their backbone or help them feel supported through communication and establishing healthy boundaries. In some cases, marriages fall apart because devilish in-laws refuse to allow couples enjoy their marriages.

Dear praying Nigerian wives, one person’s love cannot sustain a marriage. One person loving extra doesn’t make up for the other person loving less. Stop praying endless prayers for men who don’t love and respect you. It’s a waste of time and efforts. It takes two committed people to make a marriage work.

Women, get that into your brains. Stop hurting yourselves by putting up with men who treat you like trash while you waste your years praying for them to change. You deserve to be with a man who loves and respects you as much as you love and respect him too.


I am a writer, a journalist and phenomenal woman. I don't conform to societal stereotypes. I am passionate about women and the issues that plague womanhood in this part of the world. Engage and be awakened.

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