“I (29F) and my husband (44M) have been together for five years and married for two. I met him at the church I started going to when I moved cities to start my career.
I work for an insurance company and he’s a pastor. I know that we have a notable age gap, but he was always kind to me and made me feel special.
A week ago he came home and told me we needed to talk. He told me through tears that he had been having an affair with one of our community members (34F) and that she had been pregnant with twins. She had gone into labour; she and one of the twins died and the other is in the NICU.
He said we need to step up and that he wants me to turn my office into a nursery and set up a cot in the room so we can take turns. I became distressed and told him I wanted some time to think. That I was not sure I wanted to do this.
He told me that I had made a vow to him in marriage and that God had blessed us with a child. That this is our cross to bear and that God will never give us something we cannot handle.
I told him that it seemed God had given her more than she could handle because she had died (I know I should not have but I was not thinking correctly). He slapped me and told me that I needed to serve my husband. That God had chosen me as this child’s mother and I needed to be his humble servant. I just feel so strange.
Yesterday, I cried so hard that I threw up. This woman died, yet I feel bad for myself. I feel so ugly. I wanted children and was saving for IVF because I am infertile, but now that I have a chance to have a child and I do not want it. I feel like I’d be robbing its mothers grave. I pray to God but if I’m being honest it’s never felt like anyone was ever listening.
I feel like I have truly seen my husband and he no longer looks kind- he looks his age and very tired. I want to abandon him and the child. I’m only 29- I can start over.
I have a remote job, I can take a day off when he goes to the NICU- pack my essentials and leave. Neither him nor the child deserve this, and although this is my circus- that is not my monkey.”
