Why your abusive ex should remain in your past
Do you wonder why that abusive ex boyfriend who maltreated you is pursuing you relentlessly after you call off the relationship?
Do you find yourself asking why your emotionally unavailable ex boyfriend suddenly becomes the most available human on earth after you leave him?
Although some women can remain friends with their ex boyfriends, but when an abusive ex-boyfriend reaches out, there’s usually something deeper going on than just missing you. Lady, keep your eyes open.
Don’t get carried away by his sweet words. Don’t start telling yourself that he is crawling back into your life because he is missing you; he may be trying to destroy you completely.
One of the biggest misconceptions some ladies have is that if their ex-boyfriend reached out, it must be because they truly love and miss them.
These ladies desperately want to believe in the illusion that friendship with their ex boyfriends will fulfill their human connection needs.
Sometimes, they hope that this second chance provides a pathway for their once abusive ex boyfriend to finally transform into the ideal partner they desperately yearn for.
While there are ladies who can be friends with their ex-partners usually after they have taken time to heal, when it comes to an abusive relationship where that man has continually demeaned you, the fantasy of establishing friendship with him after a break-up is not good.
When your abusive ex boyfriend comes back into your life, it’s doubtful that he will be a great friend. This is why ladies shouldn’t allow loneliness push them back into the arms of abusive ex partners.
*If you are dealing with a narcissistic ex boyfriend, his decision to reach out may be driven by the need to regain control over you. Narcissists hate to fail or lose, so he will do whatever he can to maintain some connection if he didn’t make the choice to end your relationship. He has knowledge about your vulnerabilities and weaknesses that he can exploit and manipulate which gives him a sense of power and control. Such people don’t know how to love. They only know how to exploit other people.
*When an abusive ex-partner reaches out or asks to stay friends, he is most likely looking for ways to ensnare you back into the unhealthy dynamic that made the relationship lethal in the first place. This type of behavior is known as hoovering. It is named after the Hoover vacuum and aptly describes the way a malignant partner tries to suck you back into the traumatic vortex of the relationship long after its expiration date.
*If you are dealing with a toxic ex-partner who also happens to be a malignant narcissist, watch out. Your reasons for allowing narcissistic ex-partners back into your life can be even deeper and darker – they go beyond everyday dysfunction and have to do with the effects of abuse.
*An abusive ex boyfriend will ensnare you with mind-blowing sex that will cause you to stay attached to him. The biochemical bond you develop with toxic partners can be inexplicably addictive. Sex only strengthens that bond by releasing oxytocin and keeping the reward circuits in your brain tied to your ex-partner. They will use sex to prevent you from properly detaching from the dysfunctional relationship.
*Your toxic ex may have moved on to a new partner that love to stroke their ego, one who financially supports them and tolerates their toxicity, but that doesn’t mean he is done with you just yet. You are still valuable because you can be a good person to fall back on whenever their new found love falls short of their standards. If you submit to their requests to remain friends, be assured that they will exploit your compassion and feed off of your emotions whenever they need a break from their new target.
*Many toxic people make careers out of stalking their ex-partners after an abusive relationship ends. This allows them to maintain control over your life and ensure that you do not move forward, whether it is moving forward by healing your broken heart or to a healthier relationship with a new partner. They keep you trapped with their toxic behaviour because they know that if you are too busy agonizing over their mixed messages and bad behavior, you will be too preoccupied to rebuild your life, pursue a healthy you or meet new lovers.
*Abusive exes thrive off of the attention of having multiple lovers at their beck and call. Even after the break-up, they will attempt to add you to their harem so they can add you to the mix of their various exes, current partners and unsuspecting potential victims. An abusive ex who comes back to you isn’t repentant, he only missed the object of his manipulative games. he misses his victim and will do anything to get you back under control.
*Ladies, abusive men don’t change; they only become worse with time except they seek help and decide to change for the better. The sad part is that they will blackmail you emotionally and make you feel guilty, if you don’t accept them back.
They hurt you with their words and actions. They reduce your self esteem to zero with their abuse. You go through a healing process, find your feet again, start building up your confidence and self-esteem and even start enjoying a good relationship with a good partner.
One day, your ex appears from nowhere and starts whining about how he or she has missed you, how you were the best thing that ever happened to him or her, how they can’t live without you, how they want you back, and how they were under the influence of the devil.
Even when you respond rudely to them, they start accusing you of being wicked and unforgiving. They know you are in a better relationship and are hell-bent on destroying your new found happiness. They claim they want to die if you don’t take them back.
Taking back an abusive ex is like going back to live in the past. You will never be all right. When next you see that abusive ex coming towards you, run! He is enemy of progress. tell him clearly to avoid you.