Silence is not golden in all cases. It’s a pity that this phrase is being used to prevent women from talking about their horrible experience at the hands of heartless and irresponsible men.
When someone is abusing you, don’t keep silent. When someone is defaming your character, being silent is not golden. When someone is accusing of things you didn’t do, speak out and defend yourself.
Dear Nigerian women, stop telling other women venting their pain and frustration that being silent is a good weapon. Stop it. You don’t know what these women have had to deal with before speaking out.
Oluwabukola Oseni wrote this post and I completely agree with her:
“Forget that shit they said about silence being golden.
Patriarchy is a roaring inferno and silence is the oxygen that keeps it burning.
It is a vicious cycle that thrives on the clamped lips of abused women.
They know a woman’s worth is placed on her untarnished sexual reputation and how many tons of bullshit she is willing to take.
It is why your abuser is counting on your silence so that you would be broken but their cycle of abuse would be unbroken.
They are counting on your silence and they recruit members from your closest support group to shut you up.
Remember that time when you wanted to lodge a formal complain at the police station after he knocked out your two front teeth?Remember how Grandma and Mum told you “Hush!don’t wash your dirty laundry in the public”.
To further buttress her point she showed you the scars of where Grandpa had hit her 10 years ago. The scar she lied to you when you were 9 years old that she got from a kitchen accident. She says she has never told anyone else the truth apart from you.
She tells you they are still leaving “happily ever after”.
They are counting on your silence.
It is why after you confided in bestie about being raped by your date she told you to leave it to God. Because no one will want to marry a defiled woman.
They are counting on your silence.
It is why emergency counsellors on social media would advise you to keep quiet and send away your pregnant underaged housemaid whom your horseband has raped.They tell you men are babies and you clean up babies mess without making a fuss.
They are counting on your silence.
When you run to your pastor that he has finally moved in with the other woman.He encourages you to pray harder and consider the children. He says when they are older, they will be judged for having a mother who didn’t endure abuse.
And when you decide to smash this solid wall of conspiracy silence you are slut shamed, mocked and humiliated into being mute.
God help you if your voice is weak and rely on silence to vindicate.
This is what they are counting on. Your speaking out holds them accountable and it will indict everyone including your loved ones. It exposes their complicity and duplicity.
Can’t you see the conspiracy of silence can only be unravelled by speaking out?
We are a nation of “leave am for god”. It has been this way since time immemorial but we are speaking out now.
It is in our culture to re-victimize victims and I hope you rely on your inner strength to take down the walls of silence.
Because your abuser is counting on your clamped lips and SILENCE IS GOLDEN.”
I hope you understand this now.
