Baby, what’s your body count?

Baby, what’s your body count?

Many single ladies have been asked this question. They have been asked by their present partners how many men they have been intimate with. These questions keep coming and many of these ladies don’t know how to answer them without creating problems for themselves in the future.

This is because some ladies who have been honest enough to reveal the number of men they have slept with have been judged and eyed because they are perceived loose. Many have lost potential suitors because of their body counts while others have gained the distrust of their men because they chose to answer the question truthfully.

But is it right to demand to know the body count of your partner? What is the reason behind these questions and what purpose does it serve?

These men and women shared their experience with the body count question with Effects and how they handled it.

 Onyinyechi: I’m not a fan of disclosing your number under any circumstances

I’m not a fan of disclosing your number under any circumstances, and though it’s a popular question, I can’t believe that a man over the age of 18 still asks anyone how many she has slept with.

In the same way that many women assume that a man must be a good catch if he has a degree and earns six figures, or in the way that many men assume that a woman is wife material if she can throw down in the kitchen and fixes his plate, many people more so men also assume that a person’s number is indicative of his or her morals, values and worth as a partner. And it’s just not accurate.

The answer to “How many people have you slept with?” doesn’t really give you any useful information. The answer from a woman could be three or ten depending on so many factors. That’s harmless enough, but it doesn’t tell you if the men were all serious relationships, if any of them were married or if all three encounters occurred in the same frequency.

Blessing: Your answer will be used against you in the future

For a woman, there is no right answer, and any answer is likely to be used against her, which is why I suggest you don’t answer. No matter how tame her past may be in comparison with that of the man asking, she’s likely to be looked down upon in some way even if she’s a virgin. It’s slut-shaming at its finest.

It’s no secret that our culture holds men to a different and more liberal sexual standard than women, or that many men take advantage of that double standard. If a guy is answering the question, no matter how high the number, it’s usually dismissed with a shrug under the guise of “well, boys will be boys, but women would be looked at like prostitutes if they dare reveal the true number of men they have slept with to their present partners.

I don’t answer the question. To me, it’s irrelevant. Asking a woman how many men she has slept with because she is currently dating you is not a sign of maturity. It’s an understanding that if women were to start rating men the way they rated us based on how many partners they’ve had, there may not be very many men to date.

Pelumi: Ladies should keep dodging the body count question

I have been asked this question many times and it annoys me. What has the number of men I have slept with got to do with what you and I have going now? Any woman who answers that question will get the shock of her life later on because many men turn around to use it against them.

I believe that usually what the inquirer is trying to gauge is if you are more sexually experienced than he is, how well or not you are likely to perform in bed, the likelihood of your having a sexually transmitted infection or how likely he is to run into someone you have had sex with.

If you are discussing marriage, I would guess that your fiancé probably knows whether the two of you are sexually compatible. But he may be feeling insecure and wondering how he stacks up against other men. But as a wise girl, dodge the question. Continue to skip it and give him some ego-stroking assurance by insisting, “You’re the best, baby.” Whether true or not, it’s the only sensible answer to give a man you are planning to marry.

Nathaniel: My girlfriend left me because of my body count

I started dating a girl in school after wooing her for months. And while our relationship progressed and we were preparing to be intimate, she asked me how many women I have been with. I told her the truth. I have been with only one girl before her and that was the beginning of the end for us.

Days after, I noticed she was avoiding me. I tried talking to her, but she kept dodging me. I pleaded with her friend to ask what my offence was. It was shock that took over me when her friend told me she doesn’t want to be with an inexperienced boy who won’t know how to make love to her. I was stunned. I thought she would be proud of me for not being promiscuous. I guess it’s wrong for a man to be with few women these days. That was how my girlfriend left me because my body count was one.

Gift: Experience has taught me to keep my mouth shut about my past

At the point of discussing marriage, experience has taught me to keep my mouth shut regarding my previous sexual partners because Nigerian men can’t deal with the truth. Many Nigerian men insist on knowing how many men their partners have slept with in the past without disclosing theirs.

Women should recognize it for the red flag that it is. He’s likely not too enlightened when it comes to what matters in relationships, and once you tire of his badgering and answer the question honestly, he will probably demonstrate that fact to you in other archaic and sexist ways. If it gets to that point, just don’t answer. Your number isn’t his only problem. He has low self esteem issues.

Kayode: Women ask for your body count just to compare notes

It is not only men who ask this question. Women ask it too just to compare their current partner’s sexual prowess with that of her past lover. I recall one lady who asked me on our first date what my number was. I laughed and told her it was none of her business. She playfully said that she could handle it. I playfully told her that it was irrelevant: I was with her at this moment, and my past history bore little relevance.

The more I refused to answer, the more she dug in. Finally, she said, “Whatever you say, it won’t bother me. I lied to her that I had been with over ten women and she freaked out. Her eyes started questioning everything I said afterwards and I knew our relationship won’t last. And it didn’t.

Chinedu: Questions about body count create insecurity

Last year, I went out with a woman in her mid-30’s who confessed that she had been with over 12 men in her life. I became uncomfortable because my number was lower than hers, and I couldn’t bear to picture her being pounded by 12 or more different guys. I know it’s ridiculous to think about such things but we can’t help it as humans.

From my experience, numbers don’t matter because they can be deceiving. People lie about their numbers, so you can’t really say if they are telling the truth or not. And questions about numbers only beget more questions and create more insecurity. So couples should just avoid that question.