Being a woman in Nigeria comes with a lot of societal pressures. From childhood, you are told how to behave, how to talk, how to relate with people even if they are abusing you. You are expected to be meek, submissive, soft spoken and accommodating of everyone so that you can be called a good woman.
As a woman in this part of the world, you are not to question a man even if he’s putting your life in danger or disrespecting you. People tell you: “You’re a woman. You’re supposed to do this.” “You’re a woman. You’re not supposed to act like that.”
In Nigeria, once you make a mistake as a woman, everyone will judge you. In fact, no matter what you do, society will always have something to say about your life and relationships. If you leave an abusive relationship as a woman, it is because you don’t love your man enough. If you refuse to be disrespected by your man, it means you are not humble and submissive.
Sometimes, because of the burning desire to please people, you will end up listening to them. And this is not all, if you listen to this society as a woman, you would think you are not good enough. You will start doing things going against yourself and you are willing to change so that you can please society.
As a woman, if there’s anything about yourself that you want to improve, you only have to do it for yourself. If you desire to live your best life, work on becoming a better woman not to meet anybody else’s standard but to meet your own definition of who you should be.
Below are 10 tips on how to become a better woman for yourself:
1. Embrace your own imperfections
The road to becoming a better woman starts with acceptance. You have to accept yourself for who you are. Forget about societal pressure to be who they want you to be, just be your own woman. You are simply gorgeous. Your worth cannot be reduced by your fats, freckles, or cellulite. You may have a lot of imperfections, but you are truly smart and beautiful. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
2. Be confident
With all the expectations and standards set by society, it is more challenging to be confident in yourself. However, don’t lose sight of your goals. Know that you have so much potential in you. You can do anything if you put your heart into it, so stay confident in who you are and in your ability. Be comfortable with your real self. Believe in yourself. One day, you will achieve the goals you have set for yourself.
3. Keep learning
As a woman who wants to be better, don’t stop learning. You may be good at something you love doing, but remember that there are always opportunities for you to learn new things. Take the chance to improve yourself every day. Get out of your comfort zone. Try doing new things. Gain new skills. There’s no such thing or work designed for men only. You are too powerful to let traditional gender roles stop you from learning and making it big out there.
4. Take good care of yourself
Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean conforming to what society expects you to look or act like- as a mother, a wife, a girlfriend, or a woman in general. Rather, taking care of yourself means making yourself your priority. Give time for yourself. Pamper yourself every once in a while. Get a new hairstyle or hair color. Get a massage. Dress comfortably. Choose your own fashion style. Put on make-up if you want to. Feel good about yourself.
5. Know your heart’s desire
For you to be a better woman, you have to know what you really want. What are your short-term and long-term goals? Do you want to be a full-time mom? Do you want to be a career woman? Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to stay single? Whatever path you would like to take is the right one for you. Don’t be afraid to be different or want different things. Focus on what makes you happy, and take the necessary steps to achieve it.
6. Stay independent
Women may have been conditioned to submit to men and serve them, but you must do what’s best for you and refuse to be disrespected because of your gender. You must be independent if you want to be a better woman. You can have a partner, be happily committed to him, and do the things that you want all at the same time. You are strong on your own. You are completely on your own, and your happiness does not only depend on you having a partner. You are a complete being, so be happy and independent.
7. Don’t hesitate to ask for help
You can be a strong and independent woman but that doesn’t mean you will handle all your life’s problems by yourself. There are those times that you would feel weak, lonely, and terrible. You might get crushed, but it’s all right to feel the pain. It’s all right to cry and ask for help from other people. Allow your loved ones to help you in times of despair. That only shows how much you value and trust them, and that also means the world to them.
8. Don’t be afraid to speak up
You might have been trained to please people and to always say yes, but they have fought long and hard to be where they are right now. Remember that your voice is always worthy to get heard. Your opinion matters. So, be more assertive. Learn to say no. Learn to demand what you truly deserve. Refuse to be disrespected by people because they expect you to be subdued.
9. Accept your mistakes and learn from them
There’s no perfect person, everyone can and will make mistakes. Did you make the wrong decisions? Did you do something horrible in your past relationship? Did you go over the line with your family or friends? Learn to be accountable for your own mistakes. Apologize genuinely and move forward by taking all the lessons with you. Make sure that you don’t make mistakes again. You always have a chance to become a better person.
10. Empower other women
Instead of bringing other women down, help and empower them. You can understand each other’s struggle, so why don’t you be each other’s strength instead? Motivate each other. Listen to their stories. Talk about your goals in life. Talk about the challenges you all can empathize with. Create a support group. Women have gone through so much already. All you can do is just be there for them.
Becoming a better woman definitely starts with you. You have to be true to yourself, go after the things you want, work hard, believe in your ability and refuse to give up, take care of yourself and carry other women along. Keep the tips above in mind as you aim to be a better woman- not for the prejudiced society but for yourself.
