Part of being a child means looking to our parents for love, support, and encouragement. Our parents set the foundation for feelings of safety and trust in others.
It is important for children to feel seen and heard by their loved ones as they grow up. It can be really painful to grow up with a parent who denies a child of these emotional security blankets. Unfortunately, this is the reality for children who grow up with narcissistic mothers.
A narcissistic mother is unable to give their child the full attention and validation they need to feel loved and emotionally secure. This may impact the child’s beliefs, behaviors, and self-esteem well into adulthood.
This article shed light on narcissistic mothers and how to cope with the pain that comes with having one.
Is your mother a narcissist?
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naive to the damage she is causing.
In addition, a narcissistic mother may use her children to advance her own goals and wishes, at the expense of the child’s desires and even emotional or physical needs. As a result, the children of narcissistic mothers may grow up feeling confused, invalidated, inferior, and unloved.
Characteristics of a narcissistic mother
Mothers who express narcissistic tendencies can damage their child. Here are some telltale signs you may have a narcissistic mother:
1. She constantly makes the conversation to be about her and invalidates your feelings.
2. Brags about your achievements to others, but rarely validates or acknowledges you personally.
3. Blames others for any problems you may have that is caused by her behavior.
4. She is well-liked and important to others, but controlling and harsh when no one is looking.
5. She makes you feel bad for not doing what she wants immediately. Guilt tripping is a constant factor in your relationship with her.
6. She makes you feel guilty by boasting about how much she does for you.
7. She threatens to curse or disown you when you express your displeasure at her toxic behaviour.
8. She harshly compares you with your siblings because of material things.
9. She is ruthless and unforgiving, doing anything she can to be on top of your life.
10. She makes you feel anxious, worthless, useless and constantly attacks your self confidence.
How to cope with a mother who is a narcissist
If you feel you have been affected by any of these traits, here are some things you can try to cope with having a narcissistic mother:
Make Some Room: When she doesn’t get her way and takes it out on you, don’t be passive, let her know this way of dealing with her anger is not constructive.
Strategies to diffuse the situation can be challenging to come up with on your own on the spot so it is best to think in advance and be prepared for the next time that this happens.
Accept and Let Go: Try to accept that her narcissism is rooted in an established pattern of beliefs and behaviours, and this is not your fault.
Remember that her hurtful words and actions come from her problematic personality and they are probably not true about you and you don’t really deserve to be treated in an inconsiderate manner.
Have Some Confidence: Dealing with a narcissistic mother can be deeply painful as she may not recognize your accomplishments and strengths.
In recognizing her narcissism, it is also important to recognize your own self-worth, even when she downplays your strengths. Engaging in hobbies that enhance your skills and sense of accomplishment will help to boost your confidence.
Lean on Others: While nothing can replace the validation a child receives from their mother, there may be other supportive figures you can lean on like friends, teachers, co-workers, or other family members that you are close to and show empathy and care about you.
